SugarBE||e

+~~I fOund mY sOulmate in yOU~~+

2006-08-28T02:15:00.000-07:00

+~*~ PaUl dArling, yOu brIng mE etErnaL smIles and lOve~*~+

~*~*~*~
The starry night sky floats high above, just like heaven, pearls and illusions of many dreams. Fallen angels flee to the mirror of the sky, where the melody of trance danced into the abyss, a brillant blue sky of morning light. Cold breeze filled the air with a scent so sweet and calm, nature's perfume of rose and peppermint. It flows through my veins, awakening my soul, bringing me to my highest rapture. As light as a feather, the wind blows, a dove as white as snow flew above the willow trees, dancing gracefully towards the castles in the sky. My magickal journey to life. Deep within the Sliverpine forest, I allow my feet to take me far away, where ecstasy fills my mind, a tower of protection, the crown of my deepest, darkest secrets. My lady stood before me, in a deep silent prayer, I fell to my knees and welcome my goddess of light, as I took my hand and placed it over her heart. Shimmering wisps danced before me, the melody of flutes and violins mesmerizing me with its melodious touch of a song of love. A fireplace in the midst of the woods gave me warmth, on a cold chilly day like this. Sentiments of old, precious memories found its way back to me like a breeze, I smiled and carried on my journey. Sunshine and sweet cocoa filled my heart, the beauty of moonlit dreams, my paradise of eternal honey coated love. A place I call my haven. And from this moment on, I realised that dreams do come true. Cos baby, i have found you.
~*~*~*~

with love,
+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~DrEams~~+

2006-02-16T06:15:00.000-08:00

~*+A little something for my darling+*~

~*~*~*~

Outside.. in the cold chills of the night..

Magic was alive.
Fallen snow flakes danced
To the melody of the wind,
Falling gracefully.
Snow crystals fell like fallen rain,
Frozen and cold,
Tears from the pearly gates.

~*~*~*~

Flowers withered,
Trees shed its leaves,
Nothing was left behind.
The dead took its place,
Winter has arrived.

~*~*~*~

Beyond the snow caped mountains,
High above the cloudless sky,
A tiny sickle appeared..
Enhancing the moonlit sky.
Moonlight filtered in
Through the woods skylight..
Casting down a beam
Of slivery light.

~*~*~*~

Beyond her imaginary dreams
And mystical fantasy,
The temptress of the dark
Lures her soul beneath.
She who held the forbidden fruit,
Allurement of sexual desires,
Stood high above the forsaken
Gates of fire.
A myth of the strange,
Her voice bewitches many,
A sweet melodious song of love,
A trance of illusionary fantasy.

~*~*~*~

Will-O'-The Wisp,
A call from the dark,
Dreams starts to fade away,
Emptiness replaced.
Alone, she walked this earth,
Her eyes in tears.
Protect me, she cries.
"Aphrodite of my heart and soul,
Charm me with great divine powers
Of this sacred world
For I am strong inside."

~*~*~*~

As she opened the windows
Of her soul,
A beautiful butterfly fluttered by,
Its delicate wings revealed
Nothing but ravishing beauty,
Lovely it seemed,
But sadness merged into its pretty form,
Which tells a story no one understands.

~*~*~*~

Silence overwhelms
Within the circle of light,
The perfect creature perished
Into the darkness of the night.

~*~*~*~

Pale moonlight glowed from afar,
Pearls of light,
The shimmering stars remained,
Bringing life to the blanket
Of everlasting darkness.
The sun will shine again.
Miracles will arise, my friend.
May the goddesses enlighten her soul,
Bringing guidance and illumination,
Strength and love.
For she will never be alone again.

~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~My hEart spEaks~~+

2006-01-02T05:16:00.000-08:00

Inexplicable excitement came rushing through my soul as my eyes fell upon the slender arc of hope suspended above me. I took a deep breath and stared up through the skylight. I could just make out a tiny sickle of a new moon, a time when new things began. It was the time for beginnings. Was i ready for this beginning?

~*~*~*~

I wonder what was the pull that had brought me back, was it the promise of a little realm where i could allow my soul to wander freely, aligning my inner energies, sharing my dreams, visions and experiences? A realm for us, yes, just the both of us. A magical feeling, this is a sanctuary, a haven where i can feel freely about matters of my mind and heart. It is empowering for me to discover myself, to read my soul like a novel, to understand my needs and desires and to manifest my dreams. I felt flashes of telepathy in my head, wondering each passing moment what these signs are telling me? Is this a hidden gift, a flow of trapped energy running through my veins, or a mystery even more profound? The magickal key lies within.. and i have discovered what drives me, the only thing that could open my heart and bring me up to my blissful rapture. And that's happiness and HE who holds the key can only lock my happiness within my heart forever.

~*~*~*~

I shall be strong, stronger, to heal my one true love. To nurture like a mother who loves her child, to pamper like a sun shining down rays of sunlight upon the flowers after a rain, to love like a wife loving her husband, and to protect like the goddess protecting her children. Before i could engage myself with such abilities, it's time to understand my little self and seek forbidden answers that lies within. I know what i want. Oh yes, i do. I chant to myself. Can I re-create my seventh heaven? And build it up slowly with lots of patience, together with my love, we can be perfect once again. My dream revolves around my one and only, for he can take me to heaven and plunge me into the pits of hell. He's my savior, my dream, my everything. No word can describe the way I feel about him, searching deep within my heart, I speak of the purest words that linger within my heart, that colors a rainbow in my dreams at night, chasing away the dark forces which invade me in my sleep, he's the recipe of my desires and my hopes to walk this journey with courage and strength. Without his presence and his love, I will wither like a flower needing rain, and I wouldn't be able to comprehend life for he’s my elements of life, my sun, moon and stars, he completes me.

~*~*~*~

As the tragedy of life, destruction of peace, the battle between love and lust, the sins and lies, all come crumbling down on me, I shall take each step in fortitude, following my heart as I forsake the damned and negative thoughts which haunt me constantly. Be strong, my strength weakens but love gives me wings to fly. And I will fly. Finding my way to him, embracing his love, his touch and wishing that this moment will last forever.

~*~*~*~

I looked high above the night sky, a glance, a tinkle of a tiny star flew across, leaving me
enthrall. Spellbound, I fell upon my feet, smiled and made a wish. "Lovely Heavens, I wish upon the brightest star that my only wish will be granted tonight. I wish for this moment in life to last for all eternity, lifetime after lifetime. For my love for him will last forever, I pledge to the heavens and to his heart that my soul is his to keep. And I ask of nothing more, as I have found my place, my heaven, in him."

~*~*~*~

With love,
~BellE~

+~~RAin~~+

2005-12-14T06:24:00.000-08:00

~*~The Way I Feel About Rain~*~

Fallen rain. The beauty of the night awakes. Enchant me, spellbound me, I chanted. Hail to the night for the silver moon shines for all eternity. Casting down its silvery beam like a blessing, a heal for broken hearts, a sacred gem for protection, a promise sealed within my heart, I speak with words of wisdom and courage, for every soul, an angel arises, casting away its demons. Purification of the heart. Fallen rain washes away the darkly shadows, the sins and temptations of the forbidden. Sadness fills the air. Falling. She falls. Just like fallen angels, cast down from the heavens for they have sinned. Broken wings. Tattooed on her arms, remains the slits. She weeps. Fallen, she fell like rain, deeper into the pits of eternal flames, she burns. Heal me, she prays. For I have sinned, and may the rain purify me. Rebirth. A new life begins.

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~my drEam~~+

2005-12-14T06:03:00.000-08:00

The sea of love
lay before my eyes,
this is my dream.
My heaven of paradise.

~*~*~*~

A new day arises
morning breeze
and warm sunshine.
The mediterranean sea,
jade green crystal
clear waters,
the smell of the ocean
and a tinge of
rosemary and pine
filled the air
with eternal happiness
and love.
The feel of spring,
brings a new beginning
and within the colors of the earth
reveal the garden of eternal love.
Such ravishing beauty shines
just like sunshine
after a pouring rain.
Beyond the horizons
lay the beauty
close to perfection
of two beautiful souls
falling deeply in love
with one another.
For they have merged
to become one.
" My soul is yours to keep
for i promise you my heart
for all eternity."
From the depth of my soul
I pledge my loyalty
to him.
For he's the only one
I dreamt of spending
the rest of my life with.

~*~*~*~

If only time can
stay frozen forever,
if only his name is
engraved on the star
i named after him,
shining brightly from afar
bringing about life
to the mysterious night,
the darkness,
when night falls still and cold.

~*~*~*~

If only this is the heaven
in my dreams,
my desire
of a sacred sanctuary
which promises peace and protection
for all eternity.
Deep within my heart,
my soul,
I know that he's the one
in my fantasy love story
my knight in shining armor.
my prince of darkness.
my one and only,
whom holds the golden key
to my heart.
And only he
could find the missing
puzzle of my soul,
for he completes me.

~*~*~*~

I lie awake,
as i gazed upon the sliver lining
of the moon,
its golden beam washing down on me,
just like a flow of magic,
spellbounding me.
Leaving me speechless
and overwhelmed
by the sudden wave
of energy
flowing within my blood and body,
I made a wish,
as i closed my eyes,
visions of his face,
his smile,
his dark mysterious eyes,
start to manifest in my mind.
Is this a dream?
I wonder in silence.
I opened the windows
of my soul,
and stared into space
for he wasnt there.
Alone i stand,
wishing that my miracle
will find its way to me
along my journey,
in this realm of life.
Pure love flows through me,
in my veins,
his love.
Our love.
I believe that fate will
bring him to me one day.

~*~*~*~

*Paul baby, I'm glad that i have found you. You're THE ONE i have been waiting for all my life. Sweetheart, you are my sun,moon and stars,you're my everything.

+~*~BellE~*~+

=)

2005-10-21T01:28:00.000-07:00

Ha! I'm finally back. =) Was busy falling in love til my dear blog was forgotten and abandoned. Lol. Oh well,love is like the wind..it blows you away into the realm of ever happiness,magic and heavenly bliss. And u might just never return back to reality.......... ^-^

*zap* Okies back to reality check, stupid zodiac yin yang bull of the month had affected me loads this month. In the book, it stated that it's gonna be a month filled with misunderstandings and arguments. So guess that's why i get so irritated lately. So i shall blame it on the bad elements in the air. Haha. Darling Paul and i have been spending so much time together since i have practically moved in with him, together with our baby Prince as well. Soon enough,Prince wouldnt be sleeping on the floor anymore, he would jump onto our bed and the bed would be shared among the 3 of us. *awww* Sweet cuddles, he's the cutest. BUT, he can drive me mad at times too. Bite,bite,bite,eat,eat and sleep and bite Belle's everywhere. Arghhh... Puppies... Oh well,anyhow he's growing bigger each day. His cute little paws are huge compared to other puppies his age. My precious, Prince will be King one day. Haha. =p
~*~*~*~
I have been staying home with Paul a lot lately. And just in case my baby wonders if it's a bad thing, nope it isnt. Anywhere with him makes my day. I have been working on my designs. Makes me feel hardworking and determined. Hooray,a feeling of accomplishment and gratification of desire, i'm finally working at something besides my songs,poems and whatever i used to do when im bored. Anyways,gotta go now. Will write again soon. Blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~bElle~*~+

~~A mOmeNt tO RemembEr~~

2005-09-25T07:10:00.000-07:00

My night with Paul on our anniversary was more than perfect. It was magickal and unforgetable. A wondrous night, i will remember this special moment forever. As i await his call at home,wondering where he was at that very moment,i recieved a call from a friend of his. She asked me to make my way down to Sentosa to meet her as she was alone. So, i made my trip down immediately. Upon reaching Sentosa,tanjong beach,she told me that we could just sit down and chill at the beach bar while i waited for my boyfriend to call. When we reached there,i noticed candles flickering on the sand. Lots and lots of candles. I was mesmerized upon such a sight before my eyes. I walked towards him and smiled as it was so beautiful. He made me a variety of desserts and bought red wine. It was truly romantic. A candle lit dinner by the beach surrounded by candles. It was the sweetest surprise ever. We fed each other dessert and he even played a song on his guitar for ME. I was truly overwhelmed. The ambience was perfect. A starlit sky was accompanied by the beauty of the moon as its beam shined down on us,just like love washing upon our souls. After passing him the gift and card i had gotten for him, it was time to pack up and head off to my third surprise. I brought him to Altivo cos the scenery of the wine bar is beautiful and breath taking at night. We had some wine and more food as we hugged each other tightly,feeling cosy and comfortable in each other's arms. However,the night wasnt over yet. We went gaming with Leister and Daniel. They are the sweetest and most adorable couple ever. Great friends too. After a game of dota, it was time for his next surprise for me. I was totally clueless to what it would be. However,he refused to drop me any clues. =( Leiter was told to blindfold me as they drove me to the place where Paul was waiting for me. I had no idea where they are taking me to! I pictured a park in mind. But the surprised turned out to be spectacular and it totally gave me a "OH MY GOD,im so speechless" kinda feeling. There i was standing in a room,filled with scented candles,dried flowers and black and white roses were lying on the bed. It was sooooooooo beautiful. I was the happiest girl alive. And Paul was the sweetest,most wonderful boyfriend ever. From that moment on,i knew that he's the one i have been waiting for all my life. He gave me a feeling i have never felt before,a feeling so warm and deep,full of love,bond and passion,he completes me. We had ice cream with chocolate hot fudge. A sinful but delectable delight. =) We soaked ourselves in the jacuzzi under the moonlight as i held him in my arms lovingly. I thanked all my lucky stars for having him. I'm so in love and it feels great. A feeling only the heart comprehends. Blessed be.
~*~*~*~

~+~BellE~*~+

+~~haPpy fIrst mOnth baBY~~+

2005-09-22T02:16:00.000-07:00

Today is a special day for my baby and me..it's our first month anniversary. *big smile* And i have got a surprise for him later. =) The second surprise. I baked him heart shaped love cookies and made a star box filled with lavender and seashells. It's really pretty. However,i had to rush like crazy..only had 5 hours before meeting him last night. Gotta bake,paint,watch the oven,wait for the paint to dry and decorate his gift with glitter,ribbons,pearls and black roses. Felt a rush of great satisfaction when everything was done and ready. All i wanna do is put a smile on his face. =D Wished i could find icing sugar to decorate the cookies with our names though,but i couldnt find the ingredients at the supermarket. Sigh. I love himmmm soooooooooooo much. The time we spent together was amazing. Missing him now. I love it when we share a smoke together under the moonlight in his garden,when he makes me iced milk tea when im thirsty and offer to cook for me when im hungry. I love it when we play warcraft together,us being in the same team,when we write a story together, when we went to a pet shop and pick a dog together,sharing our new found puppylove,when we cuddle in bed while watching a movie together,when we fall alseep together,when he looks at me and i look away immediately cos i have got shy eyes lol,when he offers to carry my bag,when he plays his drums and teaches me to play some of his favourite songs on the guitar and when i watch him play World of Warcraft sitting beside him,adoring him. And when he's busy,i'll offer to play for him. Every moment spent with him is special to me. And it's already a month. Time really flies when ur enjoying every second being with the person u love and desire. I feel soooo lucky having him. My baby. He's the greatest,sweetest gift from the heavens. I thank all my lucky stars for having him in my life. "I love you,Paul".
~*~*~*~
Im wondering what he has installed for me later tonight. =) Feeling excited just thinking about it. I'm sure that he will bring me smiles tonight. I have got a surprise for him too. Cos gifts just aint enough. I wanna make everything perfect for our first month. I'm really glad to have found my one true love,never thought that he would find his way into my life. Well im happy and blessed now and im gonna cherish each and every moment being with the love of my life. He's the first ever guy whom brought me ecstatic happiness and sweet love and im not gonna let anything or anyone ruin this miracle. Well,i guess i have to learn to express myself. I'm really bad at that. I keep everything inside. I wonder if he could feel the love coming from me. It's a feeling so strong and deep that i cant express it out through words. No word can describe the love i have for him. Anyhow,i can always make an exception for him. A beautiful relationship we have. I wish i could do more though. Just wanna give him everything,all my love and i hope he understands how i truly feel for him. I bet our baby feels so blessed to have us as his daddy and mummy. However since Paul and I have been spending so much time together, we have been neglecting our lil prince. Just cant wait for his last jab, so we could take him out. Prince has got a new best friend. My poodle. Lol. However whenever im home and they get to see me,their tails cant stop wagging and then they will join forces to start pouncing on me,leaving me with scratch marks all over. Sigh. Haha. But it's their way of telling me how much they miss me. So cute eh? =p
~*~*~*~
I'm currently listening to dance nation. Music Paul detests! Haha. Songs like these are heavenly. Makes me go lalala into the trance realm. Last time i went clubbing was weeks ago with my baby. However,i didnt really feel like dancing cos Paul doesnt like dancing. So i'll just stand beside him,watching the crowd and taking sips of alcohol. I dont exactly like clubbing anymore since i have got my love. =) I should get going now. Will write again tmr. Cant wait to see him later. Blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BEllE~*~+

@(^.^)=@ @=(^.^)@

2005-09-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

Busy,busy,lotsa things to do for the week. Been spending lotsa time with my baby. Loving each and every second of it! =) And we GOTTA send Prince to the vet tomorrow cos we were like supposed to take him there days ago. My baby and I sleepppp a lot..lazy buggers we are,haha. Oh well,needa get up earlier tomorrow,let's just hope that he would wake up earlier so that he could get my lazy ass out of bed and off to the shower room.
~*~*~*~
I have finally gotten him a gift! My first ever present to my babylove BUT he still keeps insisting to pay me back for his beloved World of Warcraft game. So sad. =p. Just wanna see that smile on his face, if i could, i would buy an entire island for him. That would be awesome. A peaceful,remoted island filled with palm trees,sandy beaches and crystal clear blue waters..and it's gonna belong to just the both of us..Paul and me! =D Went to the most boring shopping mall ever earlier today...best part is that i could see puppies,cute-cuddly puppies. But PRINCE is still the most handsome,charming,cutest puppy in my eyes. Cos Paul and I chose him! But sometimes,he seriously can drive me mad. He's always trying to bite everything! Even poor me. Lol. Well,forgiven as all puppies bite. A bite of love i call it. =p
~*~*~*~
Maybe it's about time i get a new hobby. *thinks* Actually,playing warcraft with Paul is my latest hobby. Never knew how to play that game til i met him. I cant wait to get my hands on my favourite fantasy book by Terry Goodkind! Featuring " Wizard's First Rule". It's such an addiction. One of the best i have read so far. Reading is great way to burn time since i have all the time in the world installed for me. And besides,it's about time i start exercising. Too lazy to go to the gym,but a promise is a promise and i shall keep that promise. Guess i will end it here for tonight,kinda tired to write. Will write again soon. Blessed be!
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~=)~~+

2005-09-10T11:16:00.000-07:00

My baby and I have been gaming like crazy lately. And he's God at the game. I'm new to Warcraft, there's still a lot more to learn from him. Sometimes, im great while playing it,sometimes i totally suck. Lol. But my love always teams up with me. He's the sweetest. Finally i have gotten the chance to game with my boyfriend. It's so much fun. ;) Anywhere with Paul is fun. I enjoy each and every moment spending time together despite what we do. Cos as long as he's by my side, everything seems perfect. =)
~*~*~*~
We watched another movie today. Our 3rd movie. However,town is such a crappy place to be at on weekends. Packed to bits. Something i really hate. Im missing Prince..sigh. Daddy misses him too. I wonder what he's doing right this moment. I hope he aint chewing anything in my room. :X Such a monster sometimes but he's my precious lil sweetheart so my baby prince is forgiven at all cost. Guess he must be wondering too why mummy and daddy aint around. Paul and I gonna take him to the vet next week so that we can bring him out soon. Prince wil be so happy. Cant wait for the day we take him to the beach. It's gonna be so adorable watching him swim. =) Shall see him tomorrow afternoon once i'm home. *hugs Prince* Think i should end it here cos Paul is waiting for me. Dont wanna keep my darling waiting. =) We're gonna watch another movie soon. The best part is that we can cuddle in bed while watching it. The perfect moment. *smiles* Shall write again tomorrow. Blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~im feeling lucky~~+

2005-09-05T16:36:00.000-07:00

My wish has finally came true! In fact i have got two wishes granted. *smiles* Cos i have got two love of my life with me now. My puppy Prince is soooo adorable. =) He's the cutest puppy ever but also the most naughty lil one. Splashing pools of water everywhere and biting everything in sight. Well that's what all puppies do. Irritating sometimes but lovable to the core. Prince is missing Paul. And this pup never seems to sleep! Always wide awake,chewing and tearing apart newspaper all over the floor...arghhhhhh,had to keep cleaning up my room like a hundred times. Times like this,i wish he would just take his puppy nap! My poodle must be soooo jealous now,since Prince could sleep in my room with me. Well,im his mummy eh so i gotta keep him in sight at least before he tears down my room. Getting kinda stinky already,he needs a bath later! 3 months old and he's already pretty big..slightly bigger than my poodle. Love at first sight. Im sure he's gonna look sooo handsome once he's older. Cant wait to watch him grow up like my lil baby. =)
~*~*~*~
It's almost eight in the morning and i still cant get any sleep. Cooked Prince and Baby breakfast just now and it's time i shut those eyes before the sun starts to shine into my room. I hate when that happens. Guess it's gonna be another boring day after all. So i might just sleep throughout the day. Oh yea,gotta go out later for awhile too. Kinda hungry now,actually i have been hit by the hunger monster since last night. Hungry,hungry..but nah,i aint gonna stuff anything into my tummy for the next few hours til i rise and shine. Wouldnt wanna gain any weight as i havent been exercising for the past month! Damn. I feel fat. Well,not exactly cos i have been losing quite a bit of weight recently but anyhow,shall just drink more Cino for now. Prince is biting my chair again. He's such a naughty boy. Guess he's just feeling frustrated cos daddy aint around eh? Lol. Shall just recite a sleeping spell and make him go zzzzz in no time! Haha. I'm thinking of a sweet surprise..hmmm what should i do? *Thinks* Im usually great wif ideas but it seems that the sun is drying my brains out..lol. My room is in a complete mess now but im too lazy to even do something about it. In fact,with such a mess in sight,i doubt i can ever fall asleep. Sigh. Even milk cant do justice now.
~*~*~*~
Gonna start my driving classes sometime soon. BUT,i still have to go through with my theory exam first. Bummer. Hate that. I failed the other time and my hopes have gone down the drain ever since. However gotta be determined this time round as i wanna start driving soon! *Prays* Hmmmm maybe i could do a tarot reading for myself later. Wanna see what the cards have to say about my current life. I hope my fate will blossom into something pretty. Everything seems perfect now. And im happy. So glad that my wish came true,never thought it would though. Well,the power of the universe eh? Make a wish upon the stars and boom,it appears right in front of me. =) Im blessed. Yes,certainly. Alrighties,guess i better head to bed now. Feeling pretty cranky already. And my eyes are closing. Will write again sometime soon. Blessed be!
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~*~+

2005-08-28T04:39:00.000-07:00

I have the greatest idea ever! Haha..im gonna get a new puppy soOn! *big big big smile* Yay,i love visiting pet shops and this time round im gonna bring one fine puppylove home wif me. =)) I have decided to get a golden retriever..it's the cutest dog ever! However,my mom would probably freak cos she had given away my golden retriever Nickey years ago..and i was extremely sad at that point of time,even remembered telling my therapist how upset and depressed im gonna be if she did that..so evil. Lol. But anyhow,im not gonna let anyone take away my precious this time. =D It's so lovely going over to a pet shop and having the chance to pick out the cutest puppy upon sight...really getting me excited. It will be sooooo sweet if i get to choose it wif my baby. At least i get to spend lotsa time wif him when im home,my bored days will turn into happy moments nuturing my lil love into a handsome prince. As for now,i gotta start saving more money! Boy,does time flies! It's already approaching the new of the year and im so looking forward to Christmas,New Year and my 20th birthday. =) So many things i wanna do..lotsa plans in mind. And the greatest part,i get to spend Christmas wif my love. ;>
~*~*~*
I'm feeling pretty tired today,woke up and had to rush out. I was being such a nice daughter today..accompanied my mom for a massage. Havent gotten anything to eat yet..in fact i havent been eating well lately..so happy as i lost 2kg! Haha. Well i just hope that i dont look like a walking zombie. Lol. Need to start heading to the gym SOOONN! I didnt exercise for like 3 weeks already and im getting lazy. Might head to the gym tmr if im energized enough. I'm listening to really funky music now...hot trance in action. One fine day,i shall head to the fullmoon rave party and the love parade in Germany! It would be a dream coming true. Actually,come to think of it,i think i might wanna head to Thailand again. I wanna go shopping cos everything there is sooooo cheap! Dont exactly shop much here in singapore as everything doesnt really appeal to me..and considering the fact that people might just wear the same outfit as me as i walk down the streets. I wanna be different. But my style is simple. I'm easily contented. But can be a rather impulsive shopper at times,buying things that i will never even use or wear. I think i should head for a shower soon..will write again later if im in the mood. Blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~smiles~~+

2005-08-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

Japan is beautiful. I miss their vending machines! Haha. All those funky drinks(my favourite coffee latte was fantastic!) and a whole variety of ciggies are found everywhere. However the weather was freaking hot..and yes,i had to carry shit load of things around. Travelling was a bitch. Distance from one town to another was hell far and i had to take long train rides from one state to another. Disneyland was awesome! I bought myself lil cute bambi and tinker bell faery..call me a kiddo,but hey,they look gorgeous. *smiles* Their restaurants look really pretty,just like a cartoon cafe coming alive. Candy colors surround the place. Woopiee,so happy that i found my absolute favourite snackie at Disneyland. Cinnamon sticks! And ice cold cocoa. A delectable delight. Didnt get to ride on most of the rides as the queue was freaking long and i didnt really have the patience to just stand in line waiting for my turn. However the haunted house was really wow..it's called the haunted mansion..looks pretty much like the one in the casper movie. Wasnt really spooky though but the effects and spinning chair did wonders. Technology rules these days. I took some pictures of the famous disney castle as i thought it was really beautiful. The moon in Japan is really extremely mesmerizing compared to the full moon here in Singapore. It looks much bigger and brighter over in Japan. Really beautiful. =))) I took pictures of it. People there are weird as hell. But really cool as they have got style. Compared to singaporeans,no offense yeah,but they are daring enough to have their own fashion sense,be it punk or gothic,they look stunning. Pretty babes walking around the street too. ;> I wasnt exactly happy all the time though. Was pretty upset one night. If only he did understand,but then again,he doesnt. My expectations didnt turn out the way i thought it might have..a total disappointment in the end. Well,maybe things just aint fated to be eh? And besides,i chose such a fate. A new chapter begins and im happy. Yeah happy being by your side my sweet baby. =)
~*~*~*~
Lotsa work to do lately..more photoshoots and recently i had to do some filming and photoshoots for mediacorp. I hope the pay is good! Haha. Gotta work hard now,gonna have lotsa rehearsals next month for the newface competition as well. Busy,busy. Havent been really in the mood to blog actually. So i guess i will just end it here. =) So happy that i have my new pinkie panasonic handphone. It's really pretty. =)))) Okies,think that's enough for tonight. Shall sign off now. Good nite and blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

~+~gOod nIte~+~

2005-08-10T15:34:00.000-07:00

Such a beautiful night..however,im still not the least bit sleepy......!!! My,insomnia is killing me,sucking out my entire soul as i stare hard at my monitor,mind in a blank but yet still wide awake. Anyways,it's a brand new day today..hmmm maybe i could just wait for the sunrise and then bury myself under the thick covers to avoid getting exposed to the burning rays of light. However,it's beautiful watching the sky changes its color,from pitch black darkness to blue greyish and then to a purplish pink tone..really lovely. Just like staring into heaven's gates. I'm listening to a really cool song now..."A rose for the death". Very darkly and mysterious. It reminds me of a garden filled with black roses and a beautiful lady with long,dark hair in a gown standing right smack in the middle of the garden awaiting for her boyfriend to return back by her side..but he never returns..and so she stood standing there for all eternity. Hmmm not a happy ending after all..well this song paints such a picture in my head..sad but so full with love.
Hmmmm im feeling a lil hungry..i need something sugary..something sweet. Maybe i could blend something for myself..i shall use my own recipe...lotsa milk,a banana,some strawberries,vanilla powder..yummy...pretty similiar to the Malibu Dream from Coffeebean. Love that drink! It's totally yummylicious. Well but on second thought,im about to head to bed and having that for breakfast will keep me wide awake and filled. So i shall skip that and just stone for a lil while more and hopefully my mind will start to drift away...away into the realms of la la land. Haaa..gonna take at least a good 30 mins for that to happen since im super wide awake now! Must be the ice kopi i had last night working its wonders on me now..too much kopi and im never gonna have early nights...but what the hell,i love the nights...great time to just sit back and relax and just fantasize of the many beautiful and exciting things i could do for the next few days ahead. Anyways,im heading off this tuesday and i havent got anything packed yet. My flight would be really really extremely early in the morning so that means that i wouldnt be getting any sleep..well,hopefully i will fall asleep in the plane and that helps to kill time! Im really impatient and considering the fact that i gotta stay seated for 6 long hours,i would probably kill mself..haha. Sleep is good for such a situation. And as for now, i might as well lie down on my bed and count sheeps or something..need to wake up by 3pm later on..i might head to the gym tonight...just a might..cos im pretty shagged from last night's working out. Anyway,my mom and I aint on talking terms for now..reason is like so obvious..and i just gotta give her some time to chill...oh yeah before i forget,i needa head down to Shine to collect my certificate for the p.o.d thingie..damn i wonder if i pass the test! Gee,too nervous to head down to see my grade...haha..okies,this is getting paranoid. I think i shall head to bed now..shall have a cup of milk first before signing off. =) Good night and blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

~+~ tired,sigh,need to sleep :X ~+~

2005-08-08T00:26:00.000-07:00

Goshie,i'm totally whacked..shagged to bits as i didnt get any sleep last night and i just got home from the new face subaru outdoor photoshoot! Damn,i look terrible now. Luckily my make-up does wonders! Lol. Time to get some sleep soon. Gonna head to the gym later tonight with Nicc and i'm already drained. No appetite for anything too. I'm really glad that u guys love my latest layout for my bloggie..spent quite some time on it and am really happy with my design! *big smile* I've decided to add my tattoo design on the faery too..to make it look more like me..and i think it's totally cute. ^-^ Guess i gotta go wash my face NOW,wash off all that make-up and SLEEP! The longer i stay writing in here,the less sleep i get and then it's a definate no-no gym later on. Yikes! Haha. I have been so lazy lately...havent be working out cos i've just recovered from a bad flu..yeah was kinda sick recently. Weak too. Sad. But i'm feeling much better now. I guess i fell sick cos i have been a super busy bee lately with all those photo shoots and modelling classes,having so little sleep in the process as i had to wake up really early almost every damn day. Therefore i really need a vacation soon and Japan will be a great place to de-stress! I wanna visit Disney Land and go crazy riding each rollar coaster ride. I wanna cherish each minute spent with my boyfriend and just be happy. =)
~*~*~*~
Time to go get some sleep now....gonna faint..haha..will write again later tonight once im home. And im gonna write a poem later too! A sudden burst of inspiration flows deep within me like a rush. Okay okay, shall sleep sweet for now. Blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~Belle~*~+

+~~~~()~~~+

2005-08-03T09:10:00.000-07:00

Finally i can get back to writing my blog..my keyboard got really fucked recently cos of my butter fingers..haa...i have the habit of spilling juice all over my keyboard. Arggh...! Anyhow,i'm glad that the fashion show is finally over and done with! The next big thing to look forward to would be my p.o.d assessment this saturday and im pretty freaking nervous..considering the fact that there would be audience and judges around staring at me,i gotta pray hard that i wouldnt screw anything up! Especially my script! Damn. Im totally fine with my catwalk and poses..been practising it a lot the past few weeks..so im cool with that. Gotta wake up early tmr for my new face photo shoot..that explains why im back home so early. Hate to get up so early in the morning..reminds me of my schooling days which totally sux to THE core. Haha. Used to skip classes and pretend to be sick in order to get MCs..those were the days. LOl. I aint a routine person. Free and easy is my style.*grinz* Two more weeks and i would be off to Japan! Woopiee..really looking forward to it. Nicc gonna take me to Mount Fuji..i heard it's beautiful there..surrounded by nature and mountains,wow,i will snap lotsa pictures and add them to my World trip collection. *smiles*
~*~*~*~
Im seriously bored now..pretty much stoned as i stare blankly at my monitor. Wonder what to do next...hmm...yeah i should have a shower soon. And perhaps play my guitar later on..been neglecting my baby for awhile as i was sooooo busy lately. Will write again later perhaps..blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

=)

2005-07-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

Sigh..what a night..but luckily im blessed to have my lucky star right beside me to make everything better once again. =) I was really upset earlier..was wondering why he had to react that way..especially to me,someone he loves and cares about. But i guess,maybe cos he doesnt really understand me all the time..therefore we have to go through such bad times. Anyways,that's life..nothing is perfect all the time. He called me to apologise and cheer me up,bringing a smile back to my face before wishing each other good night. And that's efficient to make me feel a million times better. The care and concern he showers really play a huge part when it comes to making Belle happy. That's all i need...to know that he cares. Anyhow my poor lil thumb hurts,was so happy that i had rambutans to eat,went ahead to peel the stupid shell off and got myself cut on my thumb. How awful is that. It hurts like a torn piercing through my skin. Bearable but irritating. He bought me some durian puffs but i got really turned off by its stench that i couldnt even bring myself to share a bite with him..sigh..he must be really hurt when all he wanted was to surprise me with the cakes he bought for me. Have been giving him a few surprises lately...bought him a Bruce Lee tee when i was out shopping with my mom..and it really made me glad to see him smile upon recieving it. I went out looking for his favourite food too..donuts,cheesy hotdog,cinnamon sticks(still cant find them til today!),durian puffs and everything on his favourite list. Guess i have been doing a good job lately. =) Anything to see a smile on his face. And i hope that in return he would be happy. I wanna forget each quarrel we had,each misunderstanding,each argument and the many times we snapped back at each other. And besides,this gonna be my longest lasting relationship ever in my entire life so therefore i gotta cherish each passing moment..if we aint fated to be with each other,we would have parted long time back. However despite all the crappy times we had been through,we are still together,holding onto this relationship and being there for each other throughout this journey. And that's really amazing. Maybe God has finally given me the chance to experience the process of giving instead of just recieving. And i have given up so much just for him. But im glad that i am a much better gf now. *smiles*
~*~*~*~
Promised him that i would turn in about 4.15am however i still cant sleep. I have to wake up around 9 tomorrow morning to attend some court case..stupid crap case. Arghhh..gonna head to town for makeup classes too..in fact i would be pretty busy tmr..gym as well and my mom and i gonna go for a spa massage together! Something to look forward to yea..truly relaxing. I feel like a goddess being pampered. Haha. Went to a crystal shop earlier to buy some crystals to help me sleep at night and to get rid of all the nasty negative energies around me. Crystal therapy really works. It's truly amazing how nature's elements could play a part to help people. Guess it's related to feng shui as well. But it depends on each individual's beliefs. =) Im starting to feel really tired now..guess i will head to bed. It's starting to pour out there..love the sound of water droplets falling down on the earth's ground and the smell of rain. Shall end it here.. good nite and blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

nEw pOst of thE day

2005-07-22T01:53:00.000-07:00

YAY..i have got a lollipop! Lol. Chupa chups's strawberry 'n' cream--->im totally hooked! And i have got a really bad habit which my baby dislikes a 100 percent!!! I simply love chewing onto the stick of the lolly. Be it,straw or whatever,i go chew chew. Haha. Sounds pretty disgusting eh..not very lady-liked...but hey,who cares yea? =) Im currently listening to really funky,electronically synthesized rave music..move to the beat of "WE WANT YOUR SOUL" (in background...Your Cash, Your House, Your Phone, Your Life, Your Cash, Your House, Your Life) Really love this song,makes me wanna go clubbbbbbbinnnggg! Ha! But poor lil me,it's forbidden under Nicc's DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT list. Lol. Well anyhow,the crazy party me had given it up 11 months ago just for my sweet lil precious babylove. I lead a really simple life now..most people label it as "boring and a major waste of my youth". Maybe im just growing out of all that party-til-i-drop and lets-get-high-and-intoxicated life. All for him...although he constantly says it's just for my own good...but hey,im only 19 eh? Alrighties enough of all that,i need to eat soooon....havent eaten anything yet since this morning. I got my ass out of bed real early...9 in the morning and only had 2 hours of sleep....just cos i had to go for an audition. Gee,i have lotsa things to do...busy busy busy til the end of this year...my hunny gonna take me to Japan next month for our anniversary. So excited....cant wait for that! Just like a honeymoon. ;) And the next trip would be Europe.................
(that includes England,Germany,Sweden,France,Switzerland,Italy,Spain,Holland and Amsterdam!) this coming October and after which,we would make a trip down to Australia in December. Holidays! Woopiieee...i need a vacation manz...will be travelling a lot this yr...went to Vietnam,Hong Kong and Thailand..and now im gonna head much further...rather than boring Asia. Cant wait til Christmas arrives! Presents!!!!! Arghh...speaking of which,im still waiting for my christmas present from niccccc...was supposed to recieve it last year however he's so busy with work that he couldnt even complete the drawing he did for me...*bad baby* but sweet cos he drew US in love...animated comic style...though he drew me with gigantic boobs! Haha,what was he thinking? LOl. Anyhow,it looks great. Cant wait to get it framed and display it on my room's wall soon. Baby,ur dateline is soon yea..haha.
~*~*~*~
Gonna hit the gym later on once he's done with work...been working out like mad lately,lotsa running,cycling,stair climbing,jogging,weights...i feel soooo lean & healthy..haha. Well,though im still not satisfied. =p Anyways,it's part of my job..to look good and to feel good too. Why is this world so superficial? Why must people comment about this and that...i feel that the soul attracts me rather than the appearance...the soul is the most beautiful thing in this world. Ambience yourself with great company,endless,unconditional love and love wouldnt be just based on a charming,handsome prince...let your heart lead the way,not the superficial mind. =) I just had dinner..ate some honey-glazed chicken wing and some sushi and lots of water to fill me up fast. I feel so lazy just sitting down and writing my blog..especially after having a meal. Maybe i could take my dog downstairs for a walk..or perhaps just watch some tv. My baby doggy was sooo adorable earlier when i was having dinner,he sat down next to me,waiting patiently and hoping that i will give him more chicken. So greedy but yet i just cant bare to watch his innocent eyes looking back at me,begging me for more chicken. When it comes to puppylove or my love for all animals,my heart just feels for them and i feel the urge to give them all my love,including the food on my plate! Lol. Nicc and i bought a pet and we are taking turns to look after it, although the cute lil furball is usually over at my place. It's sweet having to share a pet with your lover ..cant wait to get another dog next year. Cos Nicc and i would be too busy travelling together to pamper our lil love therefore it wouldnt be a good idea to get one anytime soon. I'm having a slight headache now..wonder why..perhaps someone out there is cursing me right this moment..haha...jk. Sometimes i get really paranoid whenever i read my horoscope predictions...it mentioned something about someone from my past finding his or her way back to my life......i wonder who might that person be? I lost in touch with loads of friends whom i used to be really close to,maybe one of them might just pop by..that would be something worth looking forward to. Sad to say,i dont exactly trust people easily..just a few but anyhow,friends come and go..i will meet new friends along the way. For now,it's just Nicc and a few other friends whom i hardly even meet. Maybe cos i spend all my time with him. I feel really bad turning down a couple of peeps when they asked me out..anyways,it's hard for me to meet anyone since i'm with my baby cos he needs to trust my friends before giving me the green light to hang out with them. He's just being over-protective i guess. Sigh..i have class again tmr..didnt attend it last saturday as i had to go down to the new face audition. Was really surprised that i got into the final 25. It was really scary when they start calling out numbers which got in the audition...it was really upsetting that my friend didnt manage to get into the second round. She's such a sweet girl. But anyhow,it's an experience. I dont expect too much anyways. Just try to enjoy myself and look forward to my vacation overseas. Somehow realise that time really flies...6 more months and it's another year ahead. I will be 20. Used to crave for the freedom i have always longed for from my folks,but since that im having all the freedom in the world i desire now, therefore the dream of hitting 21 doesnt really appeal to me anymore. As for now,i shall just concentrate on my career,not forgetting my education as well. Cant wait for my dad to buy me my dream car. My very own BMW. That will be awesome and i get to drive Nicc around instead of him being the one driving me where ever i wanna go....shall go watch some tv now..gotta pack my stuff for gym later as well and my clothes for tomorrow since i will be staying over his place tonight. Will end it here. Blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~thE meAnIng oF lOve~~+

2005-07-05T07:20:00.000-07:00

I took a moment to think about what love means to me..how much i value such a gift..something so sacred and beautiful. Words from my heart,here's what love means to me. *smiles*
~*~*~*~
+[How i feel about lOve]+

Truly mesmerized by the flow of love in my veins, bringing warmth and passion into my life, sweetness and desires of my heart.. just like rose petals falling down against my skin, so gentle, so alluring. Its sweet scent awakening my soul, as i take each breath, allowing myself to flow into the realm of eternal love, beauty and lust. Love is a feeling only a heart understands, a feeling felt deep within your soul, accompanied by intense passion between two beautiful souls. Love brings a sensation of heavenly bliss, eternal warmth, beauty and grace, it paints a picture of dreams in mind and soul. Love is like a sweet melody.. a melody which u can listen to over and over again, appreciating each beat of the song, as each beating of your heart beats for him. He breathes life over u, giving u strength to live, to fight, to dare to dream with him. He's your other half, ur other wing, balancing u. He's the missing jigsaw of a puzzle, he completes u. Love creates an unbreakable bond between two souls, a passion so strong as love never dies or fades away in time. True love lasts forever. And even when the angels take u far away, in death, love still remains. You still long for him, craving for him like bees to the pollen of flowers, waiting patiently and hoping that he will find his way to u at heaven's gates. Love is when he brings eternal sunshine into your life, him being the brightest star in the dark,night skies. Him being that angel guiding u throughout each obstacle in life, he paints a rainbow for u when you're down, sheds a tear with u when u cry, smiles with u when ur happy, shares a joke with u and even though it might sound a lil silly, u still laugh along with him cos u think he's simply the cutest person ever. Love is when u know that hes the angel of ur heart, your one and only prince charming riding on a beautiful white stallion as u hop along, looking forward to a journey filled with many adventures, sharing each moment with him. Love is when u hope that time will stop frozen in place, allowing u to embrace his presence forever, feeling him next to u, heart to heart, soul to soul, his touch comforts u, each kiss makes u smile. Love is when u finish each other's lines, a bond so strong that u can even read his mind. Him being the last person u think of before falling asleep at night and the first person u think of once u open those sleepy eyes. To love him unconditionally, despite his weakness and flaws, u see him as the most perfect person in ur eyes. He need not be mr romeo..someone as romantic as a prince in a faery tale story but just someone whom could put a lil magic into your life.. tat magic being happiness and joy. He need not be endowed with the greatest looks.. cos looks doesnt last forever.. love is about feeling for someone cos u have fallen in love with his heart, his mind, his soul and not the way he appears to u.. as looks may be decieving too.. but a heart never lies. The beauty of his soul attracts u, the way his mind works, his dreams and every lil bit of him amaze u.. knowing that he has the most attractive soul rather than the best of looks. He need not be the richest guy, having the abundance of wealth flowing constantly, dressing his skin with the finest piece of cloth, or having the luxury of living in a castle-liked house. Money isnt just everything.. cos greed is a sin. Love should florish because of emotional feelings, passion and the bond between two souls.. and not because of intentions of lies and greed. True love brings ecstatic joy and simplicity is efficient to your needs.. as having your soul mate by your side, makes u feel complete. I long for a love so sacred and magickal.. an abundance of love fills my heart, as i am willing to give and not just recieve. Love happens for a reason, fate brings two souls together, bonding them, giving them a whole new meaning to love, a deeper feeling felt within, not just on the surface, but deep into the heart. Love is when u can sacrifice anything and everything for him.. is about compromising and understanding each other's needs.. it's about sharing your entire life story with him, cos u want him to know every lil thing about u, both ur past and ur present, hoping that he would play a part in building a future with u.. to live this dream together. To replace his weakness with your strength and for him to do the same too. To understand what he needs, his desires and his dreams. To love is to forgive each mistake and see through his flaws, cos no matter what, he's still perfect and beautiful to u. Each word spoken perfectly, u listen to his heart speaking to u, telling u how much he longs for u, how much he's willing to give to u, how much he loves u, the greatest love ever, he brings u a whole new meaning of what love really means. U have found a place for him in your heart and only he has the key to it. He's the one and only one whom turns ur darkest moments of life into the most beautiful filled with the beauty of colors and light. He shines down life on u, giving u hope to accomplish your dreams. Most importantly, u know that he's always there. Even if he's far away at the other end of the world, just by having thoughts of him bring him close to u. The moon acts as your mirror to his heart.. by glancing at the moon, u see him smiling back at u, the glow of the moon washing love down on u, his love. It overwhelmes u as distance apart never changes ur feelings within, in fact it grows stronger each moment, as u crave for him, awaiting for that special moment when he's back in your arms again. That's how i feel about love.. such sweet love brings me the greatest memories and i shall keep them sealed deep within my heart as i share such a bliss with the man of my heart,my dreams.
~*~*~*~
+~*~BellE~*~+

=)

2005-06-29T18:37:00.000-07:00

It's such a beautiful morning..im happily chewing some jelly squirms and it's freaking awesome. Totally addicted to such delectable chew chew. I can literally feed on it for the rest of my life! Haha. Okay,im like dropping sugar here and there,all over my keyboard as i type...opps,gotta clean it up fast or else my room would be the next venue for the ants'-sugary-party-bash. And then it wouldnt be a pretty sight. Besides,im feeling really awake. Cant wait to go shopping with my mom later! Woopee,been shopping a lot lately and maybe it's about time i start saving money. Well perhaps after this shopping trip. =) I guess Nicc would be sooooooo surprised that im awake so early..im finally done with my drawing. It looks great..especially the bright colors. Cant wait to show it to him later. Anyways,i have absolutely nothing to do now...it's only 10 in the morning! My gosh,what am i gonna do? I'm just too lazy to switch on my tv..bottom line,im plain lazy to do anything...i just fed baby with some cakes..he seems to love it..so cute to watch his tiny hands hold onto the piece of cake,taking small bites each time...totally adorable. If only my dog and him could get along,that would be really sweet. However,i guess my dog would probably have him for breakfast and that's gonna be the saddest thing ever. Alright,im having a major mind block now...I guess i would just end it here..might go watch a dvd to kill time before heading out. Blessed be.

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~A mOment tO ReMembEr~~+

2005-06-23T14:05:00.000-07:00

It's such a perfect night. My room smells great! The sweet scent of orange fills my room with its fruity and sweet aroma. The mellow air brought in the feel of an imminent autumn. I love the wonders of aromatherapy. It's a great way of calming my soul spiritually,a wonderful mood lifting experience and it's great for romance too! I bought a bottle of lavender massaging oil and i cant wait to share it with Nicc..a moment to be plunged into the depths of a heavenly,relaxing sensation. Imagine being able to soak yourself in a tub filled with pure lavender essential oil and rose petals. Aww...that's my ideal bath. And never forgetting all the lit candles surrounding ur tub and a lover to share such an experience with u. Beautiful aint it? Nicc was such a sweetheart today. *smiles* He surprised me with a gift which he bought this morning when i was still asleep. He bought me a book! A book i have been dying to get my hands on ever since i set my eyes on it weeks ago. It's not just any book but a faery healing book of the lore and the legacy. It's one of the most unique spirituality books ever published and it represents a major contribution to the reconstruction of contemporary pagan traditions. A book written for useful approach to the healing of the mind,body and spirit. Totally enchanting. =) He surprised me with another gift earlier this week. It was really sweet of him to remember what i really like...i didnt expect him to remember actually. I recalled once telling him how much i adore the care bears cos they look totally cute! And when i got into his car, what i saw totally amazed me! Sitting on the seat was a lil pink care bear and it was accompanied by two starfishes. OMG,i was really happy. I love surprises! =) =) =)
~*~*~*~
Oh and back to the book, well i guess most people might wonder why im into such genre of books. It's just the way i feel about life..bout the inner depths and spiritual side to life. The hidden knowlegde and magical powers of mother earth enlighten me and by experiencing it myself,i can feel a special bond to the natural elemental energies surrounding me. It's like essence to life. It brings a whole new meaning to how u feel about yourself and people around u. Well, such mystical things amaze me. Personally, I have a different point of view regarding spiritual life. Allured by the beauty nature brings to me and by the person i truly love. It's really an experience to capture such a moment in mind and soul. Feeds me with inspiration to feel,to write,to think. And im a very curious girl too! Im drawn to the arcane and secret,i think intuitively of things. Well that's just me. Maybe that's the reason why people hardly understands me and whats going on inside my head..unpredictable as always,it's either u like or dislike me. I have my flaws too and sometimes, it's difficult to find someone whom can understand me,to feel me,to really know me as ME. Mysteries of life. U can never comprehend this world sometimes..i believe in fate and by having faith in whatever u do might be a stepping stone in life. It brings u to another level of understanding and knowing that u can make everything possible. That's a sign of having strong faith in yourself and to have a will that u can make things happen. Gee, it seems like im writing something out of the chicken soup for the soul book..haha...well here's my very own version. Inspirational writing which comes from the heart,my heart.
~*~*~*~
Okies,now back to reality check. Hmmm things seem to be moving on perfectly for me now. Everything is in place and im feeling ecstatic. I even wrote a song last night. It's not done yet..however i am done with the first two verses of my song. The melody is set and im ready to complete it soon. Will be staying over Nicc's place for the weekend. And i NEED to memorize my script by tomorrow!!!! I would have to be ready for my rehearsal this saturday. I have got the first few lines planted in my head but im only halfway done. Gee,i hate memorizing scripts! I have got a lazy mind at times. Lol. I rehearsed earlier when Nicc was around,however we both just kept laughing away,i couldnt control my laughter upon seeing my own expression when i read the lines! Haha,it was really funny...all that emotions and the tone of my voice but Nicc thinks i did great! =) So i guess im feeling all ready for saturday. Gotta head to the gym tomorrow as well and im gonna surprise Nicc with a gift im gonna make for him. Since he idols Bruce Lee so much,i felt that making him a gift featuring Bruce would be a sweet idea. I thought of making him a display box and im gonna start painting the box tomorrow. It's a box with a transparent,see through glass and im gonna buy some mini Bruce Lee figures to display inside that box. Great idea eh? He can display it in his room..a lil something to remind him of me. *smiles* Well i love craft work,especially making it on my own. It's more personal that way rather them buying presents. Cos it's the heart that matters. And when u make something,u do it with all your love and that's the sweetest part. I cant wait to finish up his tattoo..however it's healing now and i will continue inking him once it's totally healed. It's really sad that i cant get any tattoos anytime soon..needa wait til my modelling contract ends..which would be like 3 years later. Anyhow,my tattoos can wait,perhaps i might change my mind in the future. Im really fickle. So there,aint gonna be so impulsive. Wow,it's almost six and im still wide awake...damn,i seriously have major sleeping disorder. Insomnia i call it. My sleeping routine is horrible...im like a night creature and i sleep in during the day. I'm wasting a lot of time sleeping away at the wrong hours. I guess pills wouldnt be a good idea afterall. I dont wish to rely on them. Sigh. Oh well,maybe i should just head to sleep soon. Or maybe watch a movie til i doze off. But i guess that's gonna be impossible as i woke up really late yesterday. Well,i will stop writing for now...might write again soon. Blessed be.

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~goOd nite~~+

2005-06-20T12:27:00.000-07:00

The moon is full tonight and it portrays how im feeling right this moment..full of emotions. And yeah,i feel really doleful when i notice that Nicc is troubled. I tried to cheer him up but yet he looks so sad,so troubled. I wonder what's going on inside his head,what he is thinking about and what is affecting him. I felt worried. Well,at least i know the reason to why he's behaving this way,strange and unexpected,he never reacted like this before. I really hope he will feel better tomorrow. Sometimes a person can really affect me,especially a special someone whom i care about..someone important to me. Anyhow,though it's getting a lil late,i aint the least bit tired..not another sleepless night please. I gotta wake up early the next day,have an audition to attend to in the morning. Well,honestly i aint really keen but it's part of my job and i gotta be responsible. Sometimes i wonder,really wonder what's installed for me,life is fairly unpredictable and if only i can be like a seer,having the ability to look into the future,wouldnt that be great? Well,i just wish deep down inside that i would be successful and happy. To lead a simple life with someone i truly love,to have him by my side,taking care of me,giving me endless love,security,warmth,the bestest friend,the greatest lover,the sweetest memories. I desire for such a love to flourish. Nicc makes a wonderful boyfriend,maybe it's his insecurities and demands which made us quarrel at times. I have tried my best to change for him,to give up my freedom,my friends,my love for clubbing,drinking and having fun, just to be an ideal girlfriend he wants. Hmmm,well some people might think it's a selfish thing for him to do,to change me entirely,including my social life. But i guess when you're in love,sometimes u just gotta sacrifice something to make someone happy yea..as long as i feel loved and cherished,that matters most to me..to be contented with what i have today. *smiles*
~*~*~*~
I'm really glad that i have found a new friend recently. He's really amazing..he inspires me cos we share such similiar dreams and passion. A person i can really trust deep inside with all my heart. Though he appeared as a stranger,he came into my life and our friendship just found its way there. I hope that Nicc will trust him one fine day so that we can hang out together. Cos Nicc hardly trusts my friends,he's really protective over me. Maybe he's just concern about who i hang out with or perhaps he just wants me all to himself,well i believe that if someone is worth my trust,a genuine friend,then maybe he would approve on my friendship with that someone. I'm just waiting for that day to come,cos deep within me,my soul,i know of a few whom i trust cos they make such great friends..and im sure they know who they are. =)
~*~*~*~
i guess i should get some sleep soon...will watch a dvd first til i get sleepy..im physically exhaunted but my mind is still wide awake..guess maybe cos i had a great work out at the gym earlier and my body needs some rest now. I felt really bad saying some stuff to Nicc earlier,i guess it broke his heart. But it was just a joke,i never meant them. I'm glad that he has forgiven me. Should get going now as i promised him that i will sleep early tonight. And i aint gonna break that promise. Blessed be.

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~mY thOughts~~+

2005-06-01T15:07:00.000-07:00

Time is crawling by as the benighted shadows start to pass me by. Why cant time fly? I wish to be driven into the full blossom of life. Picture this..wild music playing,you see a cathedral of love in the clouds,butterflies in your stomach,you are consumed by estatic fever,you speak passionately of this burgeoning masterpiece,evoking the spirit of these days of yore,moving on as you look forward to a new life,the beauty it beholds and shines upon u,brought to life with trance music,gossamer wigs and silver high heels,partying away til dawn,intoxicated with the wonders of vodka lime and thus with your eccentric brilliance do you soothe the disgruntled bosom of a tone-deaf lover and just enjoy the night partying. Such a perfect night it shall be. However,once the night is over and im back home,everything seems to be frozen in place,just like still waters,enclosed and surrounded by the silence of the night...peaceful but yet so lifeless,so dead...well that's life. Sometimes it's fun and memorable when u have got a loved one around to shower u with endless tlc and much love,sweet memories engraved in your heart...and sometimes it's lonely,boring and meaningless..it drives you nuts and u feel stranded in your own lil world,helpless and jaded,you let yourself waste away into a melancholic state which leads to mental despression. Life's a bitch aint it? Lol. Oh well,life is just like a story..it's all in your own hands whether you choose between a happily ever after or a im-just-so-fucked ending. Haa,i have been through quite a bit therefore im kinda immuned to the down side of life. Sometimes i feel like a big baby as i need someone to come rescue me,to kiss my wounds,heal me and give me that extra bit of sweet love. Haha. And im glad to be able to recieve such desirable blessings today. I have been doing some rational thinking and am satisfied with what i've accomplished lately. I desire. I dream. And yes,i want a lot of things but the heavens aint gonna be so kind to me if im just plain lazy...i wanna start my own business soon..or perhaps reach my fruition when i turn 23. I wanna design my own brand label,my own clothes,shoes,heels.....the list goes on. Inspiration fills my mind. And i shall work on that. It's never too late or early to start on anything. I tattooed my friend last night..learnt new methods of shading with the help of Nicc. He's amazing. =) I might get to continue his tattoo tonight if im not too tired..i totally enjoy playing around with colors. It's the best part of tattooing. Wow,it's already 7 in the morning! The morning sky looks so beautiful...a brand new day. A new beginning. However,i still prefer the nights..its beauty mesmerize me,the starry night sky accompanied by the glow of the moon,oh yes,the moon is a special feature in our skies. Nothing else has her glamour. She is ever-changing and yet is a creature of habit,whimsical yet predictable,enchanting yet homely. She is a queen riding high in the starry sky,a huntress chasing the wild clouds,a crystal within which poets and seers find their muse,a witch and a temptress,a source of mythology and folklore,a dispenser of dreams,a clock for kitchen and garden,an inspiration for nursery rhymes...an endless flow of words to describe the moon..im totally enchanted by such beauty it beholds...such purity and inspiration it brings to my soul..i could just go on and on about it. My inner soul feels her presence and i wanna seal this magikal sensation within me always. Well it's bye bye moon and hello sunshine for now. Though the sun is already high up in the sky shouting out a good morning to me,im still pretty wide awake. I wonder why. Maybe cos im thinking about stuff and my tiny brain cells are at work. Hmmmm,maybe i should drown myself with thoughts til i get really really tired..sleepy...and then on my way to dreamland. I even wonder if i would dream later on..hardly get dreams nowadays. The past weeks i was flooded with nightmares of all sorts...really bad dreams which i wouldnt be looking forward to in reality. However,dreams dont normally come true..it's always the exact opposite in reality. I ever dreamt of the weirdest things ever! My imagination usually runs pretty wild..and i like it this way cos i get to experience stuff in my dreams which i can never experience in the real world. It's an adventure. Truly exciting. Well i guess i should stop typing now..time to rest..to be plunged into a whole new fantasy..yeah,i shall end here. Blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~thAnk gOd it aiNt mOnday~~+

2005-05-31T01:43:00.000-07:00

Nicc's place is freezing cold!!!!! Have to wait for him to finish his work before heading to the gym later. I have lotsa plans coming up lately! *smiles* Gotta continue inking his leg and im gonna tattoo a friend tomorrow night as well. I'm pretty happy wif my work..cos it looks really good on Nicc's skin. The color is bright but could even look brighter if only he's much fairer...he's so dark!!!!! I look like a chicken beside him..haa,i meant my skin color being so pale and fair and he's like a roasted duck! Lol. Haha. Anyhow,i have been practising and drawing quite a bit lately. And i can finally draw a rose, a beautiful one. Woo hoo. I tried learning to draw different kinds of roses,from old school to something more realistic. Old school designs are beautiful..in fact im gonna start my very own business soon..hehe. But with the help of Santa too eh...cos money doesnt drop from the sky. Kidding,kidding. Nicc gonna guide me along the way too. And with his help,it would be great. =)
~*~*~*~
Sob sob,i cant get new tattoos anymore due to my modelling career. Anyhow, i will be going over to Japan this August..England,Spain,Sweden,France,Germany in October and Australia in December. *big smiles* Really looking for my vacation overseas...it's gonna be so much fun! I'm gonna be there for months! Haha. Cant wait to visit the tattoo convention in England and to go sight-seeing...to explore the depths of the forest,beautiful nature,old historical buildings and castles,mountains,Mount Fuji,the ocean,picking up seashells of all sorts from all over the world,meeting new people,friends and to be able to experience my adventures with my baby. ^-^ Gotta start saving more money soon so i could spend,spend,spend once im there! Haha. Really looking forward to that...and wow,time really flies,i'm gonna be a yr older soon once im back...how cool is that! I'm feeling pretty alright today,just a lil shivery but am perfectly fine. Quarreled with Nicc the other night and i was soooo freaking pissed..but anyhow,we settled our dispute and we are fine now. I'm like having aloe vera juice now...*slurp* totally wicked! Haha. My favourite drink. It perks me up like an energizer bunny. Lol. Anyways,think i better go give my baby some love...he looks so lonely and sad....awww...will write again later. Blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

2005-05-29T13:52:00.000-07:00

Its almost 5am and im still lying awake..thinking about stuff. I'm confused. Yes,extremely clouded with thoughts of all sorts. Wondering to myself,searching deep down inside.my soul,my heart for answers. Awaiting for my answers to surface itself. Still waiting. To be sure of what i want. But it's difficult to come up with a solution for my questions that linger within me,my head. Is this what i really want? Do i forsee an outcome? I wonder. Sometimes,it feels like im falling..deeper..but yet,i cant seem to break the fall..everything is just a blur..just like a painting..so still. I try to paint such a vision in my mind..yet it seems senseless to me. I wonder what is next..what im going to do. But anyhow,im still stranded in my thoughts. Denial perhaps. I'm screwed. Oh yes,i have made too many mistakes..i have violated the whole issue of trust. I really dont know what to do next..pretty much stoned. But not stressed. Guilty,yes. But with no regrets. I guess i'll try to sleep soon and tomorrow will be a brand new day,a better day. May the angels be with me. Blessed be.

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~Shagged to bits but im haPpy~~+

2005-05-26T01:59:00.000-07:00

I lOok like a poodle now man..haha..today's photo shoot was really tiring...im shag to bits now. Luckily the outdoor shoot wasnt really long as the weather was a killer and considering that i was wearing super high heels,3 inches to be exact,it was pretty uncomfortable walking around under such heat. Need to have some rest now before heading out later..feeding my soul with the magick of Armin Van Buuren. I love his music!!!!!!! So in love with all his remixes...*smiles* It's finally raining,i love the smell of rain! And the sound of it pouring down to the ground..it cleanses the world with such beauty. Mesmerizing.
~*~*~*~
I might head to the gym again later..kinda feel the sudden urge to work out. Was at the gym last night but i was totally drained! I worked out for about an hour and a half and then headed home...was pretty moody last night..aint too sure why..mixed emotions i guess. But im fine now. Feeling pretty perky. Guess i should go have my shower now,gotta get ready to go out for dinner. I'm totally in love with the music playing in my blog..it's beautiful. My favourite song. Anyways, will write again soon...blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~ <(^o^,<)<(^o^,<) ~~+

2005-05-22T02:55:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling pretty fagged..bleary-eyed..fatigued..u name it, im feeling it. Sigh. I'm falling sick again..feeling woozy all over..shag to bits though i have been lying on bed for like..forever. I met up with Cheryl yesterday...wow come to think of it,i have known her for like 6 yrs already! *impressed* She's my bestest,sweetest girl friend ever! Was really happy to be able to hang out wif her yesterday though it was just for a couple of hours as i gotta meet Nicc for dinner. We chilled at a cafe,had iced chocolate and after which we headed to kinokuniya to check out books. I bought 2 books! =) One is called the "Silver Moon" and the other is about tarot reading. The Silver Moon is extremely intriguing.. it's like a magical guide to working with the moon..and besides the moon is simply beautiful,alluring and magical. Such a beautiful sight gives me the purest feeling of desire,hope and peace. *smiles* Anyhow,i just hope to recover soon. Need to heal..lol. =)
~*~*~*~
I wrote a poem recently..it's called "Sensual Dreams". Will upload it into my blog soon once im home. And i have got myself a job finally. Actually it's modelling..but i gotta start going for classes this coming sat. Will be heading to Jb this tuesday with Nicc..gonna buy new movies! More horror movies!!! *grinz* Watched shutter last nite before dozing off..it was pretty freaky but i crave for something with more gore and thrills. I watched House of Wax and Amytiville recently. House of wax was smashing. It was a 2 thumbs up kinda movie. However i aint a fan of Paris..she's just..not the kinda girl i would wanna be. The dude was really hott..super spicy..haha..=p Anyways,all have been well.. my baby is happy. =) I have been taking good care of him. Hoping he would grow up to be a big,healthy boy. Still considering whether to buy my chihuahua.....*thinks*well,i think i should start saving money as i wanna buy a car of my own soon. Cant wait for that to happen! Can go out for night drive and roadtrips. Superb!
~*~*~*~
I'm feeling rather bored today,maybe cos im so tired and sick. My tummy hurts like a biatch..a lil like gastric but i doubt it is..i dont even know whats wrong with me. Haha. Waiting for Nicc to finish work now. We're going for dinner later...hmmm still deciding what to eat...maybe thai or korean food. Had korean yesterday though..so guess i would settle for thai. Gee,come to think of it..i have totally changed.......i dont even club anymore....hmmmm...wonders why. Haha. Becos becos becos....ah ha...yesh becos of him. But i wanna check out the new Centro...ministry of sound..my absolute favourite! Guess i will end here cos im rather tired..will go read my book now. Might write again sometime soon. Blessed be!
PS: Hey Cheryl,if u happen to read though this,just wanna let ya know that im looking forward to our Sentosa trip! Haha..cant wait to have fun at the beach. =)
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~thAnk gOd it aInt a mOnday~~+

2005-05-21T00:57:00.000-07:00

Nicc's place is freezing cold!!!!! Have to wait for him to finish his work before heading to the gym later. I have lotsa plans coming up lately! *smiles* Gotta continue inking his leg and im gonna tattoo a friend tomorrow night as well. I'm pretty happy wif my work..cos it looks really good on Nicc's skin. The color is bright but could even look brighter if only he's much fairer...he's so dark!!!!! I look like a chicken beside him..haa,i meant my skin color being so pale and fair and he's like a roasted duck! Lol. Haha. Anyhow,i have been practising and drawing quite a bit lately. And i can finally draw a rose, a beautiful one. Woo hoo. I tried learning to draw different kinds of roses,from old school to something more realistic. Old school designs are beautiful..in fact im gonna start my very own business soon..hehe. But with the help of Santa too eh...cos money doesnt drop from the sky. Kidding,kidding. Nicc gonna guide me along the way too. And with his help,it would be great. =)
~*~*~*~
Sob sob,i cant get new tattoos anymore due to my modelling career. Anyhow, i will be going over to Japan this August..England,Spain,Sweden,France,Germany in October and Australia in December. *big smiles* Really looking for my vacation overseas...it's gonna be so much fun! I'm gonna be there for months! Haha. Cant wait to visit the tattoo convention in England and to go sight-seeing...to explore the depths of the forest,beautiful nature,old historical buildings and castles,mountains,Mount Fuji,the ocean,picking up seashells of all sorts from all over the world,meeting new people,friends and to be able to experience my adventures with my baby. ^-^ Gotta start saving more money soon so i could spend,spend,spend once im there! Haha. Really looking forward to that...and wow,time really flies,i'm gonna be a yr older soon once im back...how cool is that! I'm feeling pretty alright today,just a lil shivery but am perfectly fine. Quarreled with Nicc the other night and i was soooo freaking pissed..but anyhow,we settled our dispute and we are fine now. I'm like having aloe vera juice now...*slurp* totally wicked! Haha. My favourite drink. It perks me up like an energizer bunny. Lol. Recently, i havent been in a blogging mood..my words just cant seem to flow out naturally..wonder why...but anyway that aint important..i shall go play with my baby now..give him a lil love as he looks so lonely.....aww...shall write again. Blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~She will always be a part of my memory~~+

2005-05-09T14:31:00.000-07:00

I'm finally back from Thailand.=) And i have a new found love in my life..i named him Lucky. He's my new pet..my baby. *super smiles* So adorable since hes still a baby and he's so lucky to be wif his new mummy and daddy. Me being his big mummy. ^-^ But sadly, our lil girl fell really sick and she died before my eyes. *sobs* Her life fading away slowly..her heartbeat irregular..she tried hard to survive. She was brave and strong in heart to survive for a lil while longer. Upon seeing her die,i cried..i really did..my eyes were in tears..i was really sad watching her life fade away slowly just like that. I did a lil silent prayer for her,asking God to watch over her soul and to grant her a happy life high above in heaven..i wished for her to be reborn,to be happy and blessed. Im missing her soooooo much. Why must God take her away from me? Why must she die? She's just a lil baby...barely 3 weeks old and she's already gone...my thoughts are filled with each smile,each touch,each movement she made..her cute lil eyes looking back at me,so pure,so lovingly..looking at me as her mummy. Everything about her is really special to me. Im sure she will be the prettiest angel in heaven. I miss you baby girl. Been ages since i last prayed...and i just knew that i had to pray for her the moment she left my side cos she's so little,so baby-liked..so precious,so innocent..but yet life is so cruel to take her away..far away from me.
~*~*~*~
I'm still feeling sad right this moment as i type this..i cant seem to fall asleep as i'm just too upset to even get any rest. I really miss her so so much. I just fed Lucky some milk and he's asleep already..im sure he misses his sister too. It's already 6 in the morning..but im not tired at all. I cant seem to focus on anything..i wish i could just see her and hold her in my arms for one last moment before she goes..but fate isnt on my side this time. That's why i hate life. Cos it's unfair. Why must God take away innocent babies..she's looking forward to a brand new life but yet she's already gone before she could experience any of it. I guess i should stop thinking about such cruelty as it's making me feel worse deep inside...a part of me dies with her. And i shall dedicate my blessings to my lil baby. ~*~missing you always~*~
~*~*~*~
I enjoyed myself in Thailand..and tat did not account for the last day. Pattaya was beautiful..especially watching the sunset beyond the horizons. Shades of pink,purple and orange filled the lovely sky..the picture i took looked very much like a painting..a painting coming to life. People there are friendly and the food is amazingly cheap. The best part was the trip to the huanted house..it was really really scary..a hundred percent. Ripley's believe it or not haunted mansion its called. I was totally petrified as i walked into the dark mansion. The sound effects were so real and it paralyzed me with terror. I had to walk through pitch black rooms, (u cant see shit,not even ur own hands! Picture that!) i couldnt see anything! And as we walked into the darkness,i had my eyes closed the entire time! Haha. I was a coward..that i confess. I grapped onto him tightly as we find our way out of the room. Ugly,freaky monsters jumped out of no where and scare the living lights out of us. Fucking scary man...they even chased us around making creepy noises and trying to grap hold of us. I was the unlucky one whom always gets water splashed onto my clothes..firstly it was this spray thingie..it came out of some wall or something and i was a quarter drenched. And the second time was when we walked into this chamber where a man was found lying on a bed..he had no limps,intestines all over the place..it was really gross. This other man was standing next to his bed,his hands reaching out to the bloody guts which were spread across the bed..and suddenly,he threw some disgusting thing at us..thankfully a fence seperated us but water still splashed over at me. Totally gross. Yucks. I screamed like a mad person but i didnt care. Haha. And then,it was the house of maze. Had to find our way out of that hell hole. Lots of mirrors everywhere. It was irritating but thankfully we found our way out to the entrance. Mission accomplished. I watched a 3d movie as well..the movie was about a haunted theme park. But it was really funky. I get to wear those 3d glasses..it was really cool. Bangkok was fun too. Lotsa shopping..in fact i shopped everyday and spent a bomb. Isnt that wat Bangkok is all about? Shopping,shopping and shopping? The clubs there rocks too..i went drinking at a pub. Long island and it was dirt cheap. The body massage was awesome too..totally relaxing after a long day of shopping and walking. My trip to Thailand was great..especially the trip to the pet market. The puppies were so cute...!!!! Really cheap too..wish i could just buy a few puppies and bring them home with me. I bought my dog some snackies and a spa shampoo..im so gonna pamper him tmr with a good bath. =) Anyways i guess i should go get some sleep now..feeling tired already. Will write again tmr. Blessed be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~holiday,here i come! lol~~+

2005-05-02T00:27:00.000-07:00

Damn,im flying off this wednesday and i havent done any packing yet! So freaking lazy!!! Haha. As usual im the last min girl. Works better for me that way. =) I'm really really looking forward to my trip..at least i get to scram out of this forsaken place. A vacation... finally. I feel pretty much idle lately..bored shitless. I should be going out soon,but yet im still not going for my shower. Gotta meet Nicc at his shop before he's done with work..and i guess he would be terribly disappointed knowing that im still writing my blog instead of getting ready. Anyhow,we should be heading to town for dinner..the other day he brought me to a korean restaurant. The food was simply scrumptious! *droolz* Yumm..maybe we could try something new and exotic later..sounds like a plan! Haha. But i've got no sudden cravings for anything right this moment,havent eaten anything yet..made myself a banana with strawberry yogurt ice cream smoothie just now. It tastes heavenly..my new creation of the day..haha. After which,it was yakult all the way. Lol.
~*~*~*~
Im really excited upon buying a new puppy soon! I want a chihuahua~hee,such an angelic puppylove which im so gonna shower with lotsa lotsa love...awwww...reminds me of the puppy Paris has..totally adorable. Gotta plan my before-puppy-comes-home list...so many things to buy..in fact i wanted to get a chow chow instead cos it looks totally teddybearylicious..something i would adore for the rest of my life!!! Oh my gosh,im totally in love with Amanda Ling!!! She's soooooooooooooooo pretty! And the best part is that she's musically inclined. Damn! I came across a magazine yesterday while at work *as i was fucking bored* and she was in an article..i couldnt take my eyes off her..haha. Nicc thinks im insane to feel that way but anyways,she's just special..unique! And that's what i really like about her. Some aura about her. Anyways, Nicc bought me a cd yesterday...hes simply so sweet..was amazed to find it next to my bed when i woke up...*surprise,surprise* awwww...*smiles* Hmmm,listening to the used now..my favourite track would be "buried myself alive". It's wicked! Should check it out. My head aint working right lately,feeling pretty disorganized. Everything is messed up and im trying hard to get my life back. Need to get a job soon..im curently working on sundays however i need an everyday job to occupy my time. Bumming everyday aint a good thing and since school only starts in late may,i will have plenty of time to find a job for myself. Perhaps routines aint my thing and im too freaking lazy therefore i could screw all routines and just rot away in my room. Too many distractions now. So i gotta clear it up before heading off to Thailand. Well,i think i should get going now..will write again once im back. Blessed be.

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~YawNz,time to say goodnite~~+

2005-04-24T16:56:00.000-07:00

Tha da!...Presenting my new blog design! I spent the entire night creating a new look for my bloggie & im really happy wif the outcome..nice eh? Ha! My favourite hotpink for the background wif tribal hearts and a faery surrounded by a mystical flower garden.Finally, i'm satisfied wif my work..therefore im in an ecstatic mood today! Couldnt sleep as usual..haha..it gets really irritating cos i only get my kick of somnolence once the sun is up! Sigh...and even right this moment wif the ball of fire shining high above,i still cant get any sleep. This is so frustrating! I need a fag now!!!!!!! Or perhaps a freaking irksome movie with a deadening effect of a ho-hum storyline to help me plunge myself into a deep sleep. Lol. Anyhow, I just made myself a chocolate smoothie for breakfast..*droolz* Totally sinful,but yet tempting. A pure heavenly delight to start my day and the best part is that it tastes like ice cream. Yummy. *slurp* Currently listening to Paul Van Dyke..his funky music gets me sky high. Extremely climactic. Haha. I wonder what's the plan for the day. I MUST head down to the gym later. No buts this time. I'm getting lazy and i wanna work hard for my thailand trip. Wanna look good in my bikini *grinz* Cant wait to ride on a jet ski..however,my only fear is that i might not find my way back to shore if i explore too far out in the sea. Haha. That would be terribly horrendous. What a thought to begin with. Anyways, it's my holiday and i should just enjoy myself. I have saved a huge amount for my shopping and im seriously looking forward to it..a week more to go and i'll be on my way to paradise city. *smiles*
~*~*~*~
I watched a really lame ass movie the other day..it was pathetic..a waste of my precious time and i eventually fell asleep halfway through it. It's none other than "Not another teen movie". Crap. It's similar to scary movie but a hundred times worse. I need new movies! Daddy has plenty but everything aint my kinda movie..aint really into action,war movies..haha..too gory.
*closes eyes* Aint into all those gory moments so it could jolly well pissed off out of my sight. Well enough of all these,think i should get some rest now or else im gonna wake up late and im gonna waste away my beautiful day. Ahh,it's a freaking monday. Hate mondays! Will go watch a movie now before heading to bed. Might write again later once i rise and shine. Be back later...blessed be.

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~my nEw fOund angEl~~+

2005-04-19T06:57:00.000-07:00

~*~Last night was perfect. I've finally found my northern star..my new found angel of my life. If only time would stop, frozen in place..If only i knew that such a miracle would come my way,bringing me the sweetest memories,i'll be the happiest girl alive. My baby,u shine..just like the brightest star high above,glowing from afar. I get butterflies in my stomach when i see you,i smile when u look back at me, each touch felt like i've been touched by an angel, each kiss meant the world to me. Everything seems so right when ur next to me. Baby, i shall cherish this moment of time,having u in my life.~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~a beautiful day~~+

2005-04-12T20:09:00.000-07:00

Wow,i still cant believe that im already up this early! And this time it wasnt the ringing of my cell which woke me up. Didnt get much sleep thou but im feeling pretty perky this morning.Guess it's gonna be a great day ahead afterall. Gotta work later anyways and im gonna hit the gym as well. Im pretty much stoned nowadays that i even lose track of what day it is today..but yeah,im informed that it's a wednesday. Girls' nite out. But guess im gonna spend my nite at the gym wif nicc. Might head down to Happy this weekend..never been there before but i cant wait to check out those funky "couples" if u know what i mean..haha. It's gonna be fun! Wonder why but i aint much of a drinker now..alcohol doesnt give me that kick anymore...i get pretty much stoned by all that intoxication. And that certainly isnt fun . My baby knows just what to do to get me in the mood.*winks* It's called the magick of intimacy. Anyhow,let's see what i have got planned for the day. Guess i will be bumming at home til my energy level peaks up. I'm like a freaking living zombie lately..haha. All burnt out after all those late nights. Needa head down to funan to get a programme disc later on before heading off to work. Damn,it's starting to sound boring. Or maybe i might just meet nicc and burn the entire afternoon. Oh heck, im just damn lazy. Haha. All that sunshine would probably kill me. Walking around in broad daylight,hell no,i would feel faint. I'm kinda looking forward to going to the beach for a swim. Haven't done that like in forever..that would be my pill of relaxation. Damn,why must i work later? Tat totally sux to the max. I aint exactly the working type..haha. Accounts make me feel sick. Or maybe it's just another accuse to avoid work. Listening to all that Jojo shit is making me feel sick too..fuck all that rnb..i'm gonna switch back to ministry of sound..my kinda music. =) Simply love the song by dido..it's a remixed version n it's smoking! Actually im in the mood to re-design my room..gonna buy new furnitures,preferbly a sofa to make my room a lil more cosy..a sleepy feel once u stepped into my world. Haa,not exactly sleepy-sleepy but rather more of a cosy-relaxing-candlelit-sweet smelling lavender,dim lightings kinda ambience. Okay,this is a brief description of what my room looks like now..my walls have got too shades..fuchsia and babypink. I have got a tv and my dvd player in one corner,my computer(duh!),shelves for my creation of photo frames designed by me,my blythe doll,candle stands,a pink lamp,candles and wooden cupboards,my wardrobe,a colorful wall mirror,my bed,cd racks,a flowery curtain,lotsa cushions on my bed,teddy bears,cute chubby pooh bear,dried flowers and along with all the other girly stuff. So there,a rough picture of my room. I'm so in love wif lamps and candle stands..gonna buy more lamps sometime soon. And aroma oil too! I'm running out of vanilla already. Lavender is still my favourite. Totally love the pink sofa in ikea too..it's freaking candy sweet! And maybe i could have a mini fridge too to store my snackies(gummies!) and alcohol. Hmmm what else..guess i will do it d.i.y style. Will design more deco,my own creation for my room. Haa,i have even got a manicure corner..that's pretty cute. *grinz*
~*~*~*~
I'm such a smoothie addict nowadays! In fact i blend my own recipes. Milk is simply addictive! Love it's creamy taste...yum. Maybe i should write a recipe book of belle's creation..haha..that would be something new. Speaking of which,i might get down to writing a new song. Feeling pretty ecstatic today so i might do happy stuff! Or maybe just go down for a spa. Wonders where my spa buddy disappeared to! Haha..Juvy juvy juvy. Sigh. I'm considering whether to get my hair dyed. I want a new look! Maybe do streaks or get it permed slightly wavy wif small curls. Well,ok that will make me look way older. I wanna get colored lens too..preferbly grey. Mysterious eh? Pretty fierce color..but i love it! Well,i will stop here..shall write again tonight when im back home. Blessed be.

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~missing you baby~~+

2005-04-12T03:55:00.000-07:00

Finally my computer is working again..*smiles* And i've gotten myself a new design for my blog. Spent quite a while on it as i wanted to make it look,totally my kinda style..something "very me". Anyhow,been home for the past weeks..didn't exactly have the mood to get out of my crib as i'm seriously dead beat. Feeling all lethargic due to insomnia and other shit. Oh wells,at least my infected wound has finally healed. Thank God for that or else i would be stucked at home forever. My ankle practically swelled up,fucking ugly and too fucking pain to even walk. How pathetic is that man. Medication has made me sleepy and god damn tired all the time..it's a 100 percent pure agony-pain-in-the-ass-torment. Had to stop going to the gym too and that's already making me feel fat. Gotta get my routine all planned out again..sigh.
~*~*~*~
Gee,im starting to miss her already and as i was thinking about her just this minute,she dropped me a msg on my cell. Sweet. =) Really looking forward to spending time wif her again. Even just watching pathetic lame corny cartoons like freaking spongebob gaypants would already make my day..and hang on,since when i actually like spongebob??? Haha. Well,people change. I guess. Anyways my life is pretty different now..im actually doing something about it. Lol. The next best thing im looking forward to is my trip to Thailand next month. We're heading to Pattaya for the seasports,funky eh..can't wait to ride on a jet ski and most probably get plunged into the sea in no time lol..and there's always the best part..SHOPPING in Bangkok! I'm gonna buy shitloads of stuff,even gotten the list down. *big big smile* I guess i better go down to the gym tomorrow,i feel awful now. And i wanna go blading at east coast too,perhaps go fishing,haha,camping,sun tanning or whatsoever which pleases me. I need more adventures and not just bumming around. Stargazing with my special someone..*winks* u noe who u are haha. Anyways i had the worst nightmare ever this morning..it was HORRIBLE and it felt so real. Hope it wouldnt come knocking at my reality door. Certainly something i aint looking forward to. Period.
~*~*~*~
Enough of all that,i guess i should have my dinner. Actually my first meal of the day cos i practically wasted my beautiful day sleeping away. Though hunger hasnt kick in yet,but i need some fuel to pump up my system for the night cos most probably i wouldnt be sleeping. So there,gotta go for now. Shall write again. Blessed be.

+~*~BellE~*~+

=~~my new beginning~~=

2005-03-27T22:01:00.000-08:00

Guess it's about time i write something in here..i designed a new layout for my blog a few weeks ago..it's really cute..my blythe doll wif a gothic touch..very sweet. =) When am i getting my blythe????I'm still looking for the one which looks a lot like me..lol..im just so in luv wif her..big dolly eyes..cute,innocent smile..everything about her seems so angelic to me but seriously i have got no idea why my friends think she looks scary..haha. Like some Child's Play doll. Lol. But anyhow,let's see what i can write for now..my mind is pretty blocked cos im having a freaking, "it-feels-totally-fucked-up" kinda fever since last night. It was horrible..really. I couldnt sleep the entire night. My com was being a total ass and i had to spend 3 forsaken hours racking my brains,trying to fix it. I was so tired but yet insomnia came kicking in..pathetic. But thankfully,im feeling much better now. My head still hurts but i guess a trip to the doctor later would ease my pain. I hope. Been falling terribly sick lately,guess i should put the blame on myself. Though i sleep for a good 10 hours everyday..but yet ironically, it still seemed impossible waking up the next day..had to literally drag myself out of bed. Been working out like crazy too..needa stay healthy but it's so contradicting cos i aint doing my part on the other hand when it comes to my diet. At least i aint drinking now which is a good thing..kinda lost my appetite for alcohol..no idea why..the last time i remember drinking shitloads was at velvet..about 3 weeks ago to be exact. Juvy brought me over and i was surprised that i managed to get myself in the club. It was alright i guess..not really into the crowd and the music it spins. I just stood there and drank. Luckily,a couple of guys came forward and spoke to me which gave me a reason not to leave early that night. Gotta know a couple of them..nice people but they are much older than me. I feel like a kid around them. They are almost 30 and me? Im only 19...sheesh. Derek was really nice. But i feel pretty bad cos i have been neglecting my friends recently. Supposed to meet him a couple of times for dinner but i was just too tired and busy. I seldom get to see Juvy too. Missing her already. ^-^
~*~*~*~
I'm looking forward to seeing my baby today but my stupid,pathetic fever just had to show up. Damn it. Oh well,guess there's always tomorrow or the day after. I shall just stay home today and recover. Lotsa stuff have been happening to me lately,decisions to be made,questions in my head,well i do admit that i cant handle everything all at once. But anyhow,my decision has been made. I know what i should do now. Whether it's the right thing to do,i shall just await and see how it goes. Oh yeah,i wrote 2 poems lately..posted it on my blog sometime back. And they r just frictional,they werent meant for anyone. I realised that my horoscope reading for April is freaking accurate and that kinda freaks me out,in a good way of cos. Well,it came true even before it hits April..wow,totally amazing. Haha. =) I'm being such a ministry-of-sound-trance-addict lately..without those funky beats,i'll probably die of boredom in my room or something. Lol. Totally ecstatic. Gotta blast it up and let it get me sky high..see? Even without alcohol,music does the job pretty well. Haha. I'm looking forward to the new opening of Centro......god,it's gonna be freaking happening! Something to smile about. I'm so sick of Zouk,phuture and all those hiphop. I went to Jb two days ago to buy piles of cds..all good shit..=p I need a vacation soon man!!!!! Will be going to Thailand at the end of next month to shop and indulge myself in those funky sea sports. Woo hoo,cant wait for that. Still considering whether i should get a tan..or at least a slight tan..cos thinking about how burnt i got 7 months ago kinda freaks me out. Haha. It was really funny and a very extremely painful experience. Anyhow,i havent been to the beach recently. The last trip there was on my birthday..few months back with Nicc. Juvy drove us to Palawan beach last weekend but then we got there too late and the beach pubs were already closed. Sad..initially we wanted to chill out with some drinks. The day ended horrible that night if i could still remember. Nicc was hell pissed at me for sneaking out without letting him know. We quarreled as usual. But anyhow,that's the past. I shall put it behind me. He called me last night to discuss about "us". But i told him that i really needed time to think about it..cos now aint the right time. I know that he still loves me and cares for me a lot..but it's just that we have been quarreling way too much lately and i just couldnt take it no more..therefore i needed a break. Anyway,the other time i went to Velvet already pissed him off to the core, to hell and back. I hate being controlled by someone..why can't i do the things i wanna do??? He's 23 and im only 19. Im sure he had his decent share of fun already. Alrighties,i shall drop the subject. It's da "past." It aint gonna get me anywhere. I'm happy the way i am now,my life and the way im living it..maybe im still a lil lost but im sure things will get better soon. Im contented and satisfied. And i'm glad to be able to share that new beginning with someone now. =)
~*~*~*~
Guess i should get going now..think i should get back to playing my baby..been neglecting her since i was with Nicc cos he simply doesnt appreciate "guitars" and therefore i kinda put it aside. No inspiration to write songs at that time. But anyhow,im all ready again. Will write again..blessed be.
~*~*~*~

=*=+bElle+=*=

=+=his shadows=+=

2005-03-18T04:21:00.000-08:00

another poem i wrote today..

=+=his shadows=+=

He appears
my mind in overdrive..
All i think of
his face,
his eyes.
Why am i feeling this way?
Even his name
seems stucked in my head.
Something about him
makes me smile..
my soul delighted
that i have finally found someone.
But yet i feel all strange inside..
late nights
his shadows surround me
as i sleep.
His touch
gave me warmth
on cold chilly nights.
His whispers
gave me the sweetest dreams.
Is he my guandian angel?
i wonder..
yes i wonder..
Each beating of his heart
echoes in my mind..
i listened,
i felt.
everything around me
disappears..
my world surrounded by his darkness.
i felt safe..
secure,
being in such a place.
A gentle kiss
i felt against my face.
i looked around
wondering if it was him..
his ghost,
he lives in my memory..
i cant live on without
his shadows.
They guide me
protect me.
i need him to survive
cos he's my morning sunrise,
my stars in the sky,
my lucky clover,
a shadow,
my soul only remembers.

~*~dedicated to him,my stranger~*~

=+=my happy ending=+=

2005-03-17T14:52:00.000-08:00

All i could do now is smile..
A smile of happiness,
a smile which paints
a happy picture in my heart.
Everything around me disppears,
this happy feeling inside arises.
I recognise this moment,
this time..
and all i could wish for
is that time
stood frozen in place,
leaving me stranded
to the abundance
which surrounds me
making me feel such emotion,
such beautiful grace,
such a lovely sensation
which i have been longing for
all these years.
Never did i expect
such a blessing to come my way..
it feels like im touched by an angel..
it feels great.
Such tenderness,
sweet love bringing me warmth..
such comfort..
an angel found its way
to my isolated world.
For every sleepless night,
for every moment spent,
for every memory,
for every star in the sky,
for every wish i made..
everything feels right..
i have finally found my place.
I wonder if such feelings
might fade away one day..
or whether it's just a dream,
whether im awake,
or whether it's just my illusion
of another perfect day.
my answers finally surfaced
cos i have found my heaven,
my place,
next to you.
yeah baby it's bcos of you
your words,
your touch
which made me this happy..
your kisses,
your love,
u wrapping your arms around me..
protecting me,
loving me,
in every way.
baby..
u are the reason why
im smiling today.

~+~BellE~+~

+~~farking hell!~~+

2005-03-09T02:52:00.000-08:00

Boring..boring..boring..im practically bored to bits...amuse me pls...anyhow,it's a boring wednesday..no more ladies night for mui and this has been going on for the past 6 months..boy does time flies...it's already March..and school starts this April..sigh..somehow im looking forward to studying again but the distance frm my crib to da school is freaking-god-damn-eastside-to-westside-FAR! Damn..im just extremely lazy..if only my mom would be a wee bit more understanding,the world would be a better place..she's driving me insane lately..*screams* Freaking pissing me off damn it. BUT after all im still a kid in her eyes,so i just gotta keep my mouth shut til i reach 21. *curses* Alrighties,enough of all this rage n tantrum,i'm gonna get what i want one day..and that day shall come by soon..
~*~*~*~
Heading to the gym later wif my dar dar..been a week since i last worked those muscles and literally felt sweat on my body..i have been sleeping and sleeping and sleeping soooo damn much..late nights again..sleepless nights...welcome insomnia. Lotsa sh*t has been happening to me lately..a freaking living nightmare..whatever fuck they call it..im confused,frustrated,pissed,bored and tired. I hate times like this..but thankfully,my greatest gal friend is always around to add some sparkles and candy canes into my life..aww,sugary yet so comforting. She's the closest friend in my life right now besides my boyfriend. She's just the sweetest thing..*smiles* My darling has been working and working so much for the past few days that we hardly spend time together anymore..well,okies,it's kinda my fault cos im always out wif Juvy and i hardly hang around his shop. But it's a good thing too..cos at least 1) I wouldnt be dead bored waiting for him...2) i get to do SHOPPING and all the other girly things which he could never understand,lol...3) He need not rush his work just cos im frowning...4) I can be an independent woman,finally! Haa..But at the end of the day,he's still the one i wanna hug,cuddle,kiss,my baby,my everything..most importantly,he's still the one i love. ^-^ We have been together for about 7 months already...it's an achievement to me,considering how crappy i used to be at handling relationships..i believe that i have grown up already..at least i have learnt how to change,to build a better love,a better relationship,to be happily in love..and wif life,wif myself. Though it has been crazy these couple of days,im trying to solve every freaking obstacles ahead of me. It will take a lot of time,effort and PATIENCE,but im all ready and set to wait it out..i'll just pray for strength..yeah,if only that helps.
~*~*~*~
Wish i could just teleport my entire room,clothes,my funky mirror,my doggie chow and my lil self to Nicc's place..i hate staying at home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!If only,if only...
Wish i could earn lotsa lotsa money and rent a condo wif Juvy..we shall have our very own walk-in wardrobe filled wif clothes of all sorts..and have lotsa intoxicating parties under one roof! Haa we could even cook together..that would be sooooooooooooooooo much fun...
~*~*~*~
Im still considering whether to meet her after gym..thought of going to some wine bar and chill out the entire night til i get super tired..but then,nicc gonna get soooo pissed if he found out that i went drinking..not the coffee-shop chilling-i-shall-order-a-glass-of-kopi kinda thing but the alcoholic shit he detests sooo much. If only he drinks...it's soooo boring drinking alone,all by myself..i need a drinking buddy..and Juvy fits that picture so perfectly. Guess i shall call her later to reconfirm..yeah,that would be a better idea. Anyhow,im feeling hungry right this moment,but nicc isnt done wif his work yet..still tattooing some guy...sigh...must wait for him...need to pump up da energy so that i wouldnt embarrass myself later on in the gym by fainting and scaring the life out of my baby. Haa..that would be funny..opps,scary too. I just feel so weaky...so weak..i dont eat much,i dont get enough sleep,i sleep at the odd hours of the day,blah blah..and that's already making me turn into a living zombie..hahaha. Lame shit but i know my life aint all healthy..and oh yeah before i totally forget this,i'm getting mixed feelings lately...about EVERYTHING. Im living in confusion..so many questions..but i shall just wait and see what's next...sometimes it just drives me insane..i guess i kinda lost a friend today..he thinks we should meet less before things get complicated or something...sigh...he is a great friend but he was really nice to tell me how he felt and that by meeting less,unexpected things might not happen. There's this other friend of mine..he's real nice to me..but then i know that he can never be the friend i want him to be...so there,everything is so complicated..a lil wrong move and i shall screw every damn thing up...that sucks...why is God so unfair to me????????? Why can't i just have everything i desire..every choice i made seemed to go wrong..everything i do seems insanely boring..oh goddddddddd,help me here..give me visions or what-so-ever which could answer my forbidden questions at heart. I will try to sort everything out by tonight..dun think i will be sleeping til dawn..and then tmr i shall get my answers once-and-for-all.
Blessed be
~*~*~*~
+~*~bElle~*~+

happy,happy,happy

2005-02-22T03:43:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling great today..=) *big big smile* I've finally gotten my gym membership at california fitness..woohoo...my baby and i shall work out together and burn those nasty calories! Lol. It's such a cute thing to do..going to the gym together..as a couple. Totally sweet....Anyways,i have been spending a lot of money lately. Shopping,dining,wine sipping,alcohol intoxicating,shopping,shopping and more shopping!!!!!...The shopping fever has striked me upside down..haha..but who cares as long as im enjoying every bit of it. Indulging myself with really goood,finger-licking delicious food and pampering myself with all the prettiest things i can set my eyes on. It feels great!..really,especially going out wif my sweetest gal friend ever. She's wonderful..someone i really enjoy spending time with. We went to Altivo 2 weeks ago..bought a bottle of dessert wine and sat there for hours! The view was breath-taking..since the bar is located at the peak of mount faber hill,we get to view the entire ocean surrounding sunny island Sentosa. It was even more beautiful when night falls. The stars in the sky sparkle like gems,so beautifully and the glow of the candles gave me a homely feel,filled wif warmth and grace. If only Nicc was beside me...i could just cuddle him on the sofa and plant soft kisses on his forehead..that would be so cute. ^-^
~*~*~*~
Went to Mango earlier wif dearie..it was love at first sight when i laid my eyes on a black,laced top. Totally gothic,totally sexy. But the worst thing ever was that it didnt come in my size..i wanted "small" but the last piece was a "medium". *sigh* Anyways, i will be meeting Juvy this thursday to go shopping! Hooray..can't wait. So many things in mind i wanna buy..clothes! eye shadow! manicure! pedicure! shoes! wine bar! my gosh,i'm gonna be so broke by the end of the week...................and Nicc wouldnt be too happy if i'm spending so much money. I need a job!!!!!! *haha,been saying this for the past months back but the outcome is: I'M NOT TAKING ANY ACTION* My results will be out this week..gee,i wonder how i did for my exams. *crosses fingers* Wishing that the outcome would be a smile instead of a booo-hooo-regretted-not-studying-a-wee-bit-harder. Damn..Anyways,i took my driving basic theory exam last week.......it was a last minute study..so well,i can only wait,hope and pray hard that i wouldnt get more than 5 mistakes!!!!!!!!!! Oh well,what's done is done..totally regretted not listening to Nicc and instead of studying,i went out shopping. Haiz....I have fianlly decided what i wanna do already. I'm gonna study...yeah,either journalism or mass communication. I'm still deciding between the two..anyways,baby and i wanna open our very own shop in the near future. And i'm gonna design the clothes...=) That would be a dream come true. Woopeeeee..! I guess i shall stop writing....kinda tired and i shall head back home to watch tv. Needa wait for dear cos he has a soccer game now. Will write again....blessed be.
~*~*~*~

~+~bellE~+~

+~~melody of melancholy~~+

2005-02-07T03:20:00.000-08:00

Wala..here i am writing my blog on a Monday..boring monday to be exact. However,i'm in a pretty good mood today..bought a cd at towers earlier. And bad news is that despite making my way to both towers and hmv,i couldnt get my hands on my desired cd! *bummer* Anyways i shouldnt be bitching in here about that,i shall just write something *mind block*. I'm glad that i'm feeling much better now..at least i'm feeling happier..no longer feeling all melancholic n irritated by everything,everyone, including the entire world of mishaps n bullshit crap! Well fuck those days as it was hell..and it felt as if i plunged myself into its pits which was entirely chaotic. I swear that i felt almost cursed! By whom i do not know. But my intuition tells me a name. That i shall not say. *ok,i know this sounds stupid* Anyways those days were horrible and i truly regret the things i did to my poor baby. But good news is that i'm on cloud nine now and my behaviour is better. *forgive the few times i lose my cool for no apparent reason and started behaving like a total spoilt brat, screaming at everyone* Oh well,enough of all that, i feel stronger now and my relationship is getting slushier each passing day. I'm so blessed to have Nicc by my side,cos he's always there for me. And though i screamed at him a couple of times, *he wasnt at fault or anything of tat sort* he was still there, loving me more and more. I feel real bad inside for treating him that way, having bad mood swings and then blaming myself for snapping at him all the time when he's just offering me a helping hand. I feel horrible. I really do. *happy that he forgives!* Or else i dont ever think i can forgive myself. So i should be blessed and not cursing myself with such bad luck. Well,maybe i'm just paranoid..arghhhhhhhh...sometimes i just wonder why i have to go through this..no offense,but do God really exist??????? Well,i used to believe in HIM but honestly,i don't anymore..i do believe that he's real and that he brings miracles..but my faith died long ago..so i wont bother praying for strength..i'll rather just stick to meditation..haha..yoga works for me and so does my healing deck. *smiles* I got to practise inking on skin the couple of days back..it was fun tattooing. Haha. I drew a faery too when i was back home. Alone at home. It's real pretty actually. A crying faery..tears streaming down her face..and above her shines a moon. A full moon. I think it's beautiful. And i shall end here for tonight as it's getting late. Gotta go jogging wif dar later. Nitie and blessed be.
~*~*~*~

~*~+belle~*~+

~+~im a strange girl living in a fucked up world~+~

2005-01-27T03:33:00.000-08:00

I'm finally here writing my blog...well,the past weeks have been a total bitch to me..just like hell,plunged with lotsa nasty mood swings! *yikes!* Even Nicc baby got badly affected by me. Sorry dearie..*looks at him with big big innocent eyes,lol* But lucky for me,my bf has a good heart and has decided to forgive me. Ah sweet heavens,i feel blessed that he understands cos i was being such a bitch towards everybody close to me,including him. I feel real guilty..really bad deep inside..my fucking mood swings are controlling me real badly..i cant seem to focus on anything! Everything seems crappy and i was just so pissed with myself..i was frozen in place,my mind blocked and empty,my heart hurting,my eyes tearing,my fate decieving me,i felt horrible,really really horrible..but no one seems to understand me..i felt alone..all alone..Nicc was always around,but he's too busy to notice..*sobs* He's always working n working..i'll just wait for him in his shop as usual..i don't blame him cos it aint his fault..well it's just plain old me getting back at me,knocking at my door deep within my soul trying to find a way in to destroy me...-again-.
Sometimes i just wonder what is really going on inside..why do i feel all strange and lonely when my loved ones are around? Why do i shout at people i love? Why do i lose my cool lately? Why do i feel sadness washing over me for no apparent reason? So many questions lingering in my mind but yet i can't find any answers. It's just a strange,weird world out there..or perhaps i'm just going crazy..i really don't know what's up with me..maybe i just need time to recover. I'm just weird and no one can comprehend my world.
~*~*~*~
Alrighty,i guess i should stop complaining..it aint making me feel any better. I bought my first faery healing oracle cards days ago. *smiles* I sincerely hope that it could help me recover emotionally..people will just think im plain childish to believe in faeries! But hey,it aint a crime to believe in Santa yea? So believing in faeries is definately healthy..a 100 percent! I spent quite a bit lately..i'm still trying to recall what in the world did i spend my money on!!!! Argghhhh..*curses at my kiss-ass-bad-memory-span* Hmmm,i bought faery healing cards,a earring for my cartilage,a mag,hmmm what else? Where did my $100 disappear to????? Oh hang on,i remember buying a Roxy tee..ah heck it all,it doesn't matter anyways. I'm still insisting to get my tongue pierced!!! But my mom says a no-no-right-this-moment and im like wtf,why can't i pierce my god damn tongue!!!!! I just need a fucking needle and a pinch of guts to get it done and i'm gonna do it d.i.y style. I don't care about the pain nor the nasty swell no more!!! I just wanna get it done! I'm stubborn,always will be therefore it's driving me nuts sometimes..such bad habits can't stay no more..maybe i'm just feeling frustrated lately and therefore wanna do stuff to vent my anger..to taste fear and to overcome it. I wanna manifest my dreams and desires and not just sit around and wait for a miracle to come knocking on my door. I don't wanna be stranded no more..i shall use my inspirations to get me to a higher ground..to create a new life for myself..to cleanse myself,my soul..to follow a different life,a dream. I need to have a fresh start this year. My birthday arrives tomorrow and im gonna be 19..a yr older and i shall use this as my startline to a better life. =) Goals...finally! I'm glad that Nicc knows what i want,what i desire and what i crave for my birthday. Those lil actions make me feel a twinkle of happiness deep within me as i know that he loves me very much. He's gonna take me to the beach and we shall have our very own candle lit dinner. Best part: We gonna be chefs tmr! Each of us will get to cook our own recipe dish and that's gonna be my best birthday dinner ever! Sitting at the beach, our food right in front of us, the starry sky with lit diamonds above us,the moon shining bright and i have got my sweetest bf right beside me! *super smiles* I haven't been the greatest gf lately,i admit to be inconsiderate,mean,selfish and rude towards him. Therefore,i shall take action and not let my emotions get to me,to us.I'm still stressing myself on decisions..i gotta choose "career" or "study". Gee,what should i do??? Nicc dearie suggested that i could get started on tattooing..good thing is that we could work together which is totally candy sweet. Hmm,but i can't make up my mind just yet..maybe i shall just learn some skills from him and take it as a hobby til i reach my level of perfection. Yeah,maybe that would be a better idea. First and foremost,i need to recover and then i shall take my next step. I dont wish to feel this way forever..i shall not let my inner demons get to me..i shall just work on being happy.
~*~*~*~
I have finally decided on my next tattoo. It shall be a blythe doll,gothic style..with blood streaming down her eyes. Cool eh? I want a sad blythe..not the occasional cute,happy looking face every doll beholds. I want mine to standout though people will just think im a sadist or just plain nuts to portray such a sad image on my skin. But it's my choice and most importantly,i like it. I'm just so in love with the song "Siren"..it's beautiful. That song seems to be stuck inside my head..a masterpiece of great beauty. I guess i shall end here for today,im feeling rather tired..dearie and I should be heading down town soon for a movie and we haven't really decided what to watch yet..but he's gonna let me decide anyways..it's always my pick,my choice when it comes to everything. That's what i like about him. Will write again..blessed be.

love,
+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~i'm haVing a blAst!~~+

2005-01-16T04:07:00.000-08:00

Hong Kong is beautiful..the weather is freezing but i'm totally enjoying it. *big big smile* I'm currently at an internet cafe having dinner and hot tea. I love it here..the life style,the weather,the shopping,the food(i ate like a monster,hahaha) and the scenery (So freaking beautiful!!! Took my breath away). Darling Nicc and I enjoy every second spent together. The cold weather brings us closer in a sweet sweet way..we get to hug and cuddle 24/7 which is sooo nice. We spent a day at an island..it was so beautiful. Mountains surround us and the beach was really nice. Dear and I picked seashells together (he helped me search for the pretty ones as he knows i like them so much) and that's just incredibly sweet of him aint it? *smiles* And guess what? The best part was searching for fresh,live oysters in the sea together..we even get to eat them fresh!!! Since Nicc dear loves oysters (i totally hate it,yucks!), i decided to reach out into the freezing water and under the rocks (willing to risk getting myself cut by the sharp edges on the rocks for him,hee) to surprise him with his yummy oysters. I'm such an angel. Haha. *laughs out loud* I even gave it a shot to try out how nasty it's gonna taste..but actually it's pretty alright..really sweet tasting as it's 100 percent fresh from the sea. We stayed at the island for a night. It was soo cold out in the island (30 mins ferry ride frm Hong Kong to the island). We watched a vcd which we rented b4 heading to bed and hug each other tightly all night long to keep each other warm. It was really funny when we finished our shower(we were butt naked) and had to run under covers as soon as we headed out of the toilet as we were freezing ice cold!!! Haha. The very next day, we explored the island hand in hand..the scenery was breath-taking,beautiful mountains surrounded us..felt great being around nature. We took pictures of the waterfall,the mine,the beach,the temple and the kitty cat we came across. She's totally adorable. Wish i could adopt her right away and take her home with me. Hee.
~*~*~*~
The food here is absolutely 2 thumbs up! I kept eating!!!! Fuck man, i'm gonna put on weight!!!!! *screams and whines* Haha. I had snake soup last night. Wicked eh? Yum. The curry fishballs are famous here..yummy time two. I ate so much of it til i feel like a gigantic fishball now. Lol. However i'm contantly giving myself excuses that since i'm on a holiday now,why not indulge myself and eat til i drop. Yeah,that should be the way. I'll work extra hard once im back home. It's a promise. *grinz* Earlier today, Nicc dear brought me to the goldfish market. It's an entire street filled with pet shops! Puppies,kittens,reptiles,fishes,hamsters,bunnies and fishes are sold there. I was so tempted to buy a hamster..it costs only six Hong Kong dollars which is about a dollar plus when convented to Singapore dollars. It's so dirt cheap but Nicc doesnt allow me to buy it..maybe cos he knows that i wouldnt have the time to look after it once im back home. Anyways we plan to keep a puppy together soon. Im looking forward to that. Im gonna be so happy. We get to choose the puppy together..totally aww..
~*~*~*~
Last night, Nicc and I explored the street near our hotel. It was packed with stores and food. We shopped like hell and i was really excited when i came across so many tarot and fortune tellers in sight! OMG, i wanted to hear what my future gonna bring me right away!!! So off i went to a lil corner where a tarot reader was seated and asked her to do me a reading. It costed me $50 but i was willing to pay for it cos im so into such stuff..i think Nicc thinks it's just a waste of money. Haha. Anyways, i liked what i heard so it was worth the money. Lol. I'm gonna wait for Nicc later tonight. He's gonna ink 3 of his friends..he tattooed two of his friends last night too. (I waited for him as usual but fell asleep towards the end cos i was getting so sleepy.) He inked them at a hiphop pub.(which was really cool n cosy) I drank last night and got myself high and sleepy..dont think im gonna drink tonight. I'll just watch him tattoo til he's done. I'm just too good to be true. Wahaha. Self praise again. Pathetic but sweet. Haha. One thing which i totally hate would be that it's so difficult to find a toilet here and i had to search like crazy before finding one. That totally sux. Dear and I would be going to another island tomorrow and we gonna have seafood!!!! Yay. Hmmm there's just so much to write but i dont have much time left..so many places we explored,so many things we did,just so much to write...i'll continue once i'm back this wednesday as we gonna head to the pub soon. I might club in the next week days too..heard the hiphop clubs here are fucking cool..and so are the guys..hot hot hot!!!! Haha. But i have my eyes set on one already..my baby. Hehe. I will end here, will write again soon!!! Muacks!

PS: Can't believe that there's like hot coke with lemon here! Totally cool and yummy. Love it. Can't get them back home.

lots of love,
+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~mOod sWinGs agAin!!!!~~+

2005-01-12T02:42:00.000-08:00

WHat a horrible,horrible day it is today!!!*curse n swears*..i can't believe that Nicc and I had to quarrel earlier. I'm so looking forward to going Hong Kong with him tmr and this had to happen the day b4 our trip. Anyways we are fine nOw... i totally sux at settling such situations,therefore he had to make the first move instead of stubborn lil me. Haha. And why did we quarrel in the first place? Well it all begins with a "Guy" as usual... Nicc knows how "he" feels for me and is pissed cos although i knew how much he still loves me and such,i'm still asking him for favours. *"Him" refers to that particular guy,i aint gonna mention his name here* Well at least he aint some "i-just-got-to-know-u-and-hope-we-can-be-more-than-friends" kinda guy..knew him for about 5 yrs already and he is a really good friend of mine. He's always there for me when i needed him, both good times and bad. Maybe it all boils down to trust issues again. Sigh. Oh well,what can i say..trust takes time to build up. I'm still working on my sacrifices and changes..and HOPEFULLY i could fit in his perfect girlfriend list. Haha.
~*~*~*~
I was so cold towards him today..didnt feel like talking to him..didnt wanna show any sign of care,love or what-so-ever..i was pissed too!!!! And when BELLE is in a bad bad mood, no one and i meant NO ONE could ever make her talk! I would be in silent-mode til my nasty mood gets sweeter. And Nicc feels that i'm being all childish and he wants me to change that. *Still working on it...*
~*~*~*~
I was so bored earlier that i decided to cut my fringe..haha. It's getting long and each time it pokes my eye,i will be freaking irritated!!! Stupid hair..stupid mood..stupid day. At least i'm feeling better now.......wonder why i always have to start a quarrel with him when it involves a guy..or perhaps the term "strangers"..lol..haha that's what Nicc calls them. Hang on, i didnt start no quarrel..i told him every damn thing frm the beginning to the end..at least i was honest. But being too honest will start a fight somehow. Gee, i have been blabbering non-stop about how horrible my day is..hopefully it will get better SOON. I'm alone in his shop now *waiting for him* as he went down town to develop his tattoo work photos for his port folio. But i'm happy that he made the first move to talk to me and clear things up. *that shows he cares, smiles* He even fixed my piercing stud for me..the stars dropped off the stud and he helped me fixed it up. *at least Belle is happy now* Since he's being nice,i should stop my ignoring game and start talking to him. Gotta kick that stubborness out of me..haha.
~*~*~*~
Heard from Nicc that it's gonna be cold in Hong Kong..*shivers* Damn..totally damn..but somehow i'm looking forward to the trip as i have never been to Hong Kong. I just pray that i wouldn't gain any freaking weight when im there..so much food..so tempting..but yet so fattening...damn.......tough decision whether to eat,enjoy n put on the pounds or whether to diet my way throughout the holiday. Haha..i hate making decisions!!!! Anyhow,i'm excited cos i will get to club in hk! Heard that the clubs simply rock..the music,the people,the alcohol,the grooves..i wanna get so so high on alcohol..but Nicc darling will totally say no to that..*super sigh* I wanna get a new tattoo too..i wonder if the artists there are of good standards? I so wanna get my bambi tattoo on my calf! Gonna add old school roses around it too..red and black roses..i want it to have a gothic feel to it. Sexy gothic..=p *slurp* Haha..anyways Nicc thinks that i'm too much of a dreamer..i can have a hundred and one ambitions in mind and the very next moment,i will change my mind and add a new interest into my list. Lol. He's always teasing me whenever i mention a new interest!!! He doesnt take me seriously!!!!!!! *sobs* Haha,silly lil me always changing my mind..i'm all fickle once again. So many things i wanna do and achieve this yr..i wanna learn graphic designing,rock climbing,go for tarot lessons,open a shop,travel around the world,work in a pet shop,buy a new doggie,get more tattoos,pierce my tongue and get a labret piercing,bleach my hair*some funky color*,start my modelling career,learn how to make ice cream,learn yoga,join a gym and blah blah blah..the list goes on..
Anyways, enough said. I will end here..gonna have dinner now and then head back home. Will write again when i'm back! Blessed be. Muacks

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~shOrt & SwEet~~+

2005-01-10T03:55:00.000-08:00

Damn,i have been neglecting my blog for quite some time since i was back here in Sillypore. Lol. Anyways,good news is that since i have nothing yeah,absolutely jack-shit nothing to do today,i have decided to update my blog and add new stuff in it! Juicy hell good stuff. I designed a banner for my tag board.. it's cute.. featuring lil miss blythe dollie and my mini pinkie dollies and plus additional sparkles,a black rose*sooo gothic,i like!haha* and my very own personal touch to spice it up! I've uploaded my latest written poems inside too. *smiles*
~*~*~*~
I'm waiting for Nicc now..-as usual- waiting and waiting since this afternoon for him to be done with his tattoos. Lucky for me,i can use his com or else im gonna be soo bored..but it wouldn't hurt waiting a lil longer since im pretty used to it already..actions of love..haha. I'm gonna be away this Thursday..Nicc darling and me would be going to Hong Kong! Woo hoo,a paradise for shopping and food! *yum,drools* Lol. And i havent start packing yet! Still deciding what to bring over..i hate packing..im just too damn lazy to get started..well,tonight i shall pack a lil..okies,it's set!!!
~*~*~*~
I still have got a bottle of Vodka Vanilla and Baileys back home waiting for me to indulge in their heavenly flavour..*imagines belle going sky high* Yeah! That's the way..haha..yummy alcohol,yummy,creamy baileys here i come! I went drinking with Nicc last Sat and guess what,i got myself pretty damn high..had shots of vodka redbull n other mixers..drank like hell and since i wasn't dancing n partying away,(i was at a PUB and not a CLUB)i felt really tired and needed a bed immediately.So we left the pub and headed home. I fell asleep almost immediately..thump on the bed n k.o in an instant. Well,that's all that i could remember. My night ended. I miss clubbing..however,just cos Nicc hates clubbing and totally dislike the idea of ME clubbing *that includes us clubbing together* so i have decided to give it up for him. *Totally awww* Haha,oh well i already gave up smoking for him so another sacrifice added to the list wouldn't hurt..i hope. So there, sacrifices for loveeee..i hope mr cupid reads this and grants me extra extra sweet loving luck in my next life time!!! Hahaha. I guess i'll end here cos i'm gonna have dinner soon..shall write again tmr..*sleepy n hungry*

+~*~BellE~*~+

2005-01-06T10:36:00.000-08:00

.:+:i made thIs pic fOr Nicc hUbby:+:.

+~~oNly mEant fOr hIm,mY oNe trUe lOve, nIcC* ~*~+

2004-12-28T05:10:00.000-08:00

I wrote a poem for my love today. *super smiles* He means so much to me. *Hope u will like my poem to you Nicc sweetheart* Two more days and i will be back in your arms, i promise. Just two more days and i could see him again. I can't wait, i really can't. I hate the nights here.. it gets so cold and i feel so alone. It's almost impossible to fall asleep at night. *sigh* The moon has disappeared behind the misty clouds tonight.. i stood at the balcony searching desperately for her brightness to shine down on me, but darkness fell down on me instead. i hate feeling so alone.. at least my mummy have got my daddy.. but how about me? No lover,no puppy to accompany me.. *sobs* Can't wait for my flight this friday.. can't wait to see Nicc smile when he sees me, can't wait to get home and hug my puppy love, can't wait to have dinner with Nicc, can't wait to count down the seconds til the new year with him, can't wait to have supper with him, can't wait to cuddle in bed as we watch a dvd, can't wait to kiss him,can't wait to be with him.. i shall await my miracle.

~*~*~*~
Darling,
Here's my poem to you.. enjoy!
~*~*~*~

Sweet love..
My sweet angel
High from above..
i crave for you.
i need you.
My love,
Thoughts of you fill my mind
Throughout the cold nights.
i miss having you by my side
Holding me,
Embracing me,
i miss each touch,
Each kiss,
Each moment,
Being with you.
i miss everything about you,
The way you look at me,
Into my eyes.
The way you hold my hand,
So tightly,
So protective over me.
i miss those times we cuddle in bed,
Especially those nights
We sleep in late.
i miss watching you sleep
As i hug you tight
And the many things we did.
i miss those times you made coffee for me.
i miss it when
You wanna get naughty with me..
Those intimate moments,
Your kisses,
Your touch.
i miss those times you made me feel
So good, so heavenly.
Baby,
i miss spending time with you..
Even when i get super bored
Just waiting for you.
Sweetness,
You mean the world to me.
You are the air i breathe,
The angel protecting me,
The guy i'm so in love with.
God has sent me an angel..
To bring me such sweet love,
Showering me with so much warmth
So tender, so lovingly..
And that angel is you.
Baby,
I'm glad tat i have found my heaven
In you.
~*~*~*~
Nights i pray,
That each day will pass by quickly
Before i see you once again.
Every passing moment,
You have been missed..
Cos sweet baby,
i crave for your sweetness,
The eternal happiness you bring to me..
Such warmth,
Just like the sunlight.
You gave me strength.
You are my miracle.
Setting me free,
You changed me.
And i could have never given up
This much for anyone..
But just for you
i'm so willing to do.
Sacrifices made,
My freedom fading away..
But honey,
i'm willing to do anything for you.
Thanks for being my angel,
My one and only best friend,
My one true love,
The only one,
i ever wanna love.
My angel,
My love,
You are just so special to me.
And i shall treasure this chapter
Of my life..
The day i fell in love with you..
Will always be remembered
And cherished deep inside me,
My heart.
Baby,
i hope never to close this chapter,
Never to let us part..
Cos you are the best thing
That has happened to me
And for that,
i love you.
i really do..
And i'll always love you..
And stay faithful to you.
i never ever wanna hurt you..
Cos nicc baby,
i love you.

~*~*~*~
Countdown meter: Two more days!
~*~*~*~

Sealed with a kiss and sweet,
undying love,
+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~tHe aNgE|s diD hEar mE laSt night @: )~~

2004-12-27T04:19:00.000-08:00

Finally a miracle happened to me today. There's an earlier return available flight this Friday back home. *smiles* I can get to see my baby.. *yay* that means I get to spend the New Year with him.. we could count down the seconds to year 2005 together. That would be so sweet.I spent the entire day at home today. I'm feeling way too lazy and tired to get my ass out of the house so staying home would be a better idea after all. I watched three dvds in total. The first one was The Lizzie Mcguire Movie featuring Hilary Duff. The actor in the movie is so cute! Italian guys are hot. *grins* Dreamy eyes, arousing smile, a touch of mystery in his eyes, totally charming. Okies, enough of such description before I go all ga-ga over him. However, no matter how good looking he is, Nicc is still my only love. My one and only bestest friend in the whole world.. my one true love. Totally aww.. haha. Back to the topic, my second movie was a French movie named "Amelie 2". It's a really good movie about love, fate and destiny. What if everything happened for a reason? Why if love came knocking at your door when you least expect it to? What if the slightest twist of fate change your life? So many what ifs.. That's what the movie is all about. Falling in love and allowing fate to change your destiny. I ain't sure if I believe in fate. Well, fate did grant me two wishes but I screwed both of them up so I guess fate wouldn't be on my side anymore. *sobs* Fuck fate, I'm contented with what I have now and I don't need fate controlling my life. I shall control my own life, my own destiny be it love or whatever. The third movie is fabulous. Starring Mandy Moore and it's called "Chasing Liberty". It's a beautiful story about falling in love.. can't wait to watch it with Nicc. The movie totally moved me. So there, that's how I burned my hours today. I wrote a poem too. Title is "Hiding Away". A sad poem about a girl wanting to hide away from reality. She's lost, alone and sad. I'm gonna write a poem for Nicc later tonight.. *thinks* hmmm what should I write about.. yeah I shall write about how much I miss him, adore him, lub him and just how much he means to me.
~*~*~*~
I'm skipping dinner again.. mom and dad went out for dinner and I'm left alone at home as I write this. I ate some bread with butter earlier in the day and that's about enough. Three more days and I will be back home. I'm really really looking forward to going home. I miss my dog. I wonder if he's doing fine and whether my brother is reliable enough to take good care of him. I even wonder if my bro remembers to feed him. *worries* My poor baby.. wonder if he misses me.. can't wait to get home and give me a huggie and a kissie on his forehead. *smiles* There's so many things I wanna do when I get back. I'm still waiting for Nicc to take me to the pub at Mount Faber. It's lovely there. The view is beautiful and the sofa seats are so comfy.. the settings being intimate and relaxing. I wanna go Sentosa for a tan too. But this time I shall remember to use Sun tanning lotion instead of nothing on my naked skin. I don't wanna get roasted again.. it was really insane and horrible. A total nightmare. My sun burns were so bad that I took an entire month to recover.. my skin was peeling like crazy.. peeled all the way til my fingers.. like totally wtf is going on? I almost thought I had skin cancer or something cause the redness of the burns remained on my skin for two whole weeks. I was too embarrassed to leave my house.. in fact I turned down a couple of dates too. I looked like a freaking tomato and I don't wish my date to see me in such a monster state. Lol. I wanna look pretty at least. Haha. *laughs* Anyways this happened like 5 months ago.. but it left a mark in my life.. I will never forget that horrible incident. Therefore sun block and sun tanning lotion is very very important in my list. Lol. Enough of my long story about my burnt days.. I shall start on my poem for Nicc. Currently listening to "Forgive Me" by Evanescence. Such a beautiful, sad song. I love it. I'm starting to miss him again.. it's a moon full out there tonight.. *super smiles* The moon always reminds me of Nicc and how I miss him. Shall take pictures of the moon now and think of him. Missing you, Nicc. Blessed be.

~*~*~*~
Countdown meter: 3 more days to go! *can't wait*
~*~*~*~
+~*~Hiding Away~*~+

Night has fallen
Darkness surrounding me, my body.
Silence breaking free.
The moon is full tonight
Hidden behind dark clouds.
Its beam shining down on me.
I feel so stranded
So alone, so alone.
I'm waiting and waiting
For the night
To creep by me.
The shadows, so dark
Dancing around me
Seducing me.
The shadows, so dark
Showering me
In pitch black darkness
Haunting me,
Blindfolding me.
The shadows, the shadows.
~*~*~*~
Cold nights
Winter has arrived.
I'm feeling cold
And all alone.
Stranded in the depths of the forest,
I shiver silently.
Coldness washing over me,
As it snows.
Each step I take forward,
It hurts.It truly hurts.
Drops of tinted redness..
My tears start to flow slowly
Down my face
I bleed
I bleed
~*~*~*~
I feel weak, so weak
I'm falling..
Falling deeper..
Into the pits of misery.
Fading away..
From this world.
I know that I can't hide forever
My inner demons haunting me,
My mind, my body.
It's killing me
I wish to run away
And perish away
Into the depths of eternal darkness.
Far away.. far far away from this world..
~*~*~*~
I'm screaming inside
It hurts, yes it hurts.
I sat down and weep
And thought about my fate, my dreams..
Time seems frozen in place,
I have no where to go.
I feel like a withered rose
Its petals falling..
Its beauty no longer remains..
So dead.. so cruel.
~*~*~*~
All I could do is wait..
Wait patiently for an angel
To save me from this destiny.
I'm so weak..
Agony, pain and grief..
It feels like thorns piercing
Through my skin.
Why is this happening to me?
~*~*~*~
Gentle whispers
Soft kisses
Are the angels speaking to me
In my sleep?
Am I being watched by the owls?
The night creatures of darkness?
Is it time for the grim reaper
To take me away..
Far far away from here?
If death helps to heal my pain..
To comfort my soul,
Allowing me to lust,
To love,
I would rather go to another place..
Another world.
~*~*~*~
I wish to hide away..
Hiding away from reality.
This is no beginning.. no beginning for me.
And I can only dream
Of the many things I have in mind..
Of my little dream.. my fantasy.
Hiding away
Hiding away
~*~*~*~
I pray to the angels every night
Hoping that they will hear me.
Hail angels, pretty pretty angels
Please reach out to me
And take me away..
To my heaven
And save me.
Bring me to a place
Where dreams can come true..
A place for me to find love..
A place for me to recover.
Dear angels
I hope you are out there
Hearing me make my wish
Bringing me sweet love
And happiness..
Warmth and tenderness.
Dear angels, please grant me this wish..
So mote it be.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~@: )whEre's my angE|?~~+

2004-12-26T04:17:00.000-08:00

It's about 4.30pm and I'm feeling seriously bored.. I wish I'm back home. In that way, I won't get to miss Nicc 24/7. Thoughts of him fill my mind constantly and it sucks when I get to feel a pinch of lovesickness washing over me..arghhh..why can't I be at home sweet home? Yeah sacrifices have got to be made for family issues.. so here I am spending Christmas and the New Year with my mom and dad instead of my boyfriend and friends. I'm just so filial. Haha. I'm like cracking my entire head, thinking about a list of 101 things to do in this town for the next 5 days. I still have got a week left and I guess I would just stay home for the next 5 days before heading to the city. I'm in no mood to go out.. in no mood for shopping or even exploring the town. I'll just stay home and write a story or something.. perhaps exercise for a good two hours or starve myself silly and watch tv. Sounds boring huh? Oh well, it's boring here in this lil place.. the city offers more adventures. My dad promised to take me to a beach island this weekend.. kinda excited cos I get to pick up exotic,pretty sea shells. I have a thing for sea shells. Simply love searching for them at the beach and adding each shell to my collection. Nicc and I went to Palau Ubin last week.. we had so much fun together. Spending time with him there was amazing. Every second spent was beautiful. Since I have all the time left in the world right this moment, I'll write about our trip to Palau Ubin.
~*~*~*~
+Our Trip To Palau Ubin+
~*~*~*~
It was a Monday. Nicc and I got ready for our trip pretty early as we didn't want to reach the island too late. It would get really hot and sunny around noon and I didn't want to get burnt by the sun. *recalls the sun burns I got at Sentosa months ago, totally horrible. I was literally roasted!* Pat joined us during our trip to Ubin. He's from Holland.. a tattoo artist too. Since he's our guest, bringing him along would be a great idea. He simply loves taking photos and Ubin would be a nice place for photography. We rented bicycles when we reached. Cycled around the entire island for like 7 hours!!! Hmmm, if I ain't wrong, we cycled for at least 10km....up-slope,down-slope, all the way throughout the entire island. We came across a river which was so beautiful. Jumped off my bike immediately upon such a sight. If only Nicc brought along his camera..sigh.. Many mudskippers were hopping around the rocky areas near the shore of the river.. they look like fishes with legs..hang on.. do they even have legs in the first place? *thinks* Haha, I don't recall legs though. Me being the mischievous one, I walked towards the rocks located near the shore and lifted them up hoping to find some creatures hiding beneath them. I found baby crabs ( I found a yellow crab which was so damn cute),sea worms and other sea creatures.. miniature ones. We came across a few hermit crabs too. Next time, I'm gonna bring along a net and a pail. A fishing trip would be a great idea. A camping trip sounds like fun too. *can't wait!* After our visit to the river, we made our way deeper into the jungle, following a sandy, brown track along the way. It was pretty difficult to cycle on the ground as rocks and twigs were found everywhere but it was fun anyways so I ain't complaining. An adventure..exploration was just the thing I need. We went to a vegetable farm, crossed bridges, sat down near a cliff to admire the scenery of pure beauty. It was really amazing.. especially being surrounded by nature.. trees, plants, flowers, butterflies, animals..etc.. Dogs were found on the island too. We came across a doggie family during our journey.. 2 adorable puppies, a mummy and a daddy. I was so tempted to bring the puppy home..it was so cute! However, I didn't want to take him away from his mummy.. his family. I would be so cruel to do such a nasty thing.. so off we went, leaving the puppies behind. *sobs*I killed a flower! Haha. Cant help it but pluck it off its stalk as it was simply enchanting. Special. Luckily I didn't step onto the nest of ants located just a few centimeters away from the plant. The ants acted like guard soldiers guarding the beautiful plant. Lol. The flower was really pretty.. it looked like those cotton flowers found in Europe.. the ones which would fly around like cotton balls when u blow against it.I saw a scare-crow at the farm.. it looked creepy. Reminded me of the horror movie "Children of the corn" I think.. scary. I wonder if it helps to scare away the birds which prey on the farmer's crops. Along our journey, we passed by a valley,a chalet and we even visited the Thai temple located deep inside the island. We spent the entire day searching for the Thai temple. Located near the temple was a cemetery. A Chinese cemetery. *spooky* Nicc and Pat spotted a wild boar running across the cemetery ground. I didn't get to see it somehow. At the temple, I played with the dogs there.. the puppy was really cute and playful. Such an angel. Aww.. We visited another temple too. I think it's a Buddhist temple. I waited for Nicc down the hill instead of climbing up the stairs to the temple. I was dead beat.. totally exhausted after an entire day of spinning the wheel. I found a hibiscus tree near the temple. The flowers were pretty. After visiting the temple, we made our way back to the jetty. It was a long way back. We visited the beach earlier in the day too. It was a small beach. The three of us sat down for awhile before heading off to continue our journey. The best part of the day was when we rested near the cliff. Below the cliff lies a huge lake surrounded by tall cliffs and trees. It was really beautiful. We took some pictures there. Nature was indeed breath-taking. Nicc and I plan to book a chalet next yr at the island.. there's rock climbing and sea sport facilities at the chalet ground. Can't wait to visit Ubin again. Spending the day with Nicc at the island was just so memorable. We got to watch the sun set beyond the horizons.. a very beautiful sight. I love to watch the sky color change from ocean blue to a purple-pinkish tone. Totally mesmerizing. The journey on the boat back to the jetty was nice and breezy. It was such a beautiful day. Unforgettable and lovely.
~*~*~*~
Now back to me being stranded in this dead town. I'm still bored.. but at least I get to burn away an hour or so writing this. Hey it's a good idea after all. I guess I'll write every single day til I'm back home. A great way to pass time. Thought of writing a story.. i wrote a love story a couple of months back. It was a really beautiful story about an elf falling in love with a faery. But unfortunately, my whole,entire computer was affected by some demonic virus and my story went crashing down with it. *sobs* I lost thousands of photos and my written poems, songs, stories and every damn thing I wrote. Sad case for me. I'm kinda deciding whether I should skip dinner.. ain't hungry but if I were to skip it, I would have to stay home. I'm pretty lazy to get all dressed up anyways.. so maybe I might just stay home after all and starve throughout the night. Or maybe I could snack on some snackies or anything I can find in the room.. or perhaps get myself high on Vodka and then head to bed. I made a joke with my mom earlier..something about hoping there's a sleeping pill which I could take that would enable me to sleep for an entire week. At least I wouldn't be dead bored. I'm pretty certain that my dreams would consist of more action and adventures than what I'm currently doing now.. totally jack shit nothing. Just stoning away in my room.. staring at the ceiling and forcing myself to read a book which isn't even completed after 2 whole months. If only I could fly back first.. perhaps this Wednesday or something.. i had enough of staying here. However, mom wouldn't allow it. If I'm going back home, she would insist to follow me back cos she wouldn't want to be bored here without my company. *sigh* Oh well, so I guess bottom line is that I have got to endure for an entire week before heading home. *whines* Oh by the way, my mom and I have serious shopping issues.. i'm pretty damn sure that we wouldn't be able to carry all our stuff back. Bags filled with food, gifts, clothes, soveniers and not to forget our luggages. We are gonna be so doomed. I don't mind paying an extra fee for the excess weight, but I seriously mind carrying the load back home.Can't wait to see Nicc again.. he's gonna pick me up at the airport and I'm gonna give him a big hug once I arrive. Miss his touch and company so much. Luckily I get to talk to him a few times a day.. so happy to hear his voice. At least I feel that he's close to me.. in a way. Bottom line is: He's just so sweet to call me despite knowing that it's gonna cost him a bomb talking to me for at least 45mins in total per day and for that, I love him to the core. Damn, if only he's here with me.. physical is definitely better than not physical. It feels weird to be apart from him cause we live together. We see each other every single day, 24 hours on the clock for the whole 4 months we have been together.. hmmm make that 3 months cos we didn't move in together for our first month. It's already saddening that we didn't get to spend our Christmas together.. the coming New Year too.. *super sigh* I will be back on the 3rd and I'm gonna spend every single minute each day with him to make back the days we spent apart from each other. Aww.. i'm just so sweet, aint I? Haha. Self praise. Totally not me. Anyways, he's taking charge of my handphone for now.. I wonder if anyone irritated him.. haha. Hmmm, maybe I could plan something for our birthdays since our birthdays are pretty near each other. His is on the 20th of Jan and mine on the 28th of Jan. We are so meant for each other.. haha. Oh ya, I almost forgot that we will be heading over to Hong Kong next month. It's gonna be chilly there in January..i'm gonna freeze.. luckily I have my boyfriend to warm me up. Lol. No cosy fire place.. just a hug will do to spice up my body's temperature. Hmmm, suddenly I have got a kinky idea in mind. Haha. *zips*I just receive a sms from Nicc..*smiles* I'm glad that Nicc has faith in me.. he believes that I wouldn't screw up this time round. I have faith in myself too cos I have got a feeling that he might just be "The One". Well hopefully my instincts are right. He just means a lot to me.I'm alone now. Dad and mom went out for dinner nearby. I ain't hungry and therefore decided to stay home and write my blog instead. At least I get to write down my thoughts and feelings.. definately more constructive. Ah ha! Finally my sms to Nicc is sent out! Took me 5 minutes to send out that sms. Gee, I wonder how I'm going to fall asleep tonight. Falling asleep here is so difficult. Firstly, my bolster is missing.. secondly, Nicc is out of sight. And the climate is so dry.. my skin is literally cracking away. Where's my lip balm??? Lol. Gotta get some asap. I guess I will stop writing for now.. been writing for the past hour and I'm feeling a lil tired.. but definitely not sleepy! Sigh.. might just surf the webbie for awhile before my dad gets home.. or maybe watch a movie after having my shower.. no more showers with Nicc here.. this suxs.. haha.. shall do all that once I'm back home.. will write again tmr.. another endless journal of the day to keep me busy. I'm so bored.. I did a word count..2096 words in total. Haha.Good night.
~*~*~*~
Countdown meter: 7 mOre days to go.... sigh.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~i miSs hOme..i miSs my baBy NicC~~+

2004-12-25T22:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Christmas and i didnt get to spend it with Nicc..*sobs* I miss him so so so so so much!!!! 12 days without him..12 days in a foreign country..12 days! It feels like im here forever..the days passing by slowly..i miss home..miss my boyfriend..miss my puppy..miss hugging Nicc to sleep every night. I feel so alone here.. Feel so single without a boyfriend..feels weird..i wanna go home!!!! Lol. Spent Christmas with my mom and dad..we had a wonderful dinner and my mom and I shopped like crazy..haha..i bought lotsa stuff..pretty pretty bags and a gift for my darling..hope he will like them *smiles*. There's nothing much to do here..except eat,shop,sleep,watch some dvds,eat,sleep...im soooo bored and i cant even use the internet! Im currently using my dad's laptop and the connection is pretty bad...a lil laggy but at least i get to write in here..i needa do something or else im gonna get sooo bored..things to keep my mind away frm missing Nicc..the nights are the most difficult as my teddy bear is missing!!! My teddy bear being Nicc..haha..
~*~*~*~
Okies,i kinda realise that i have been neglecting my blog..im seldom online anyways..in fact,im feeling hungry now..ate a whole bag of gummies just now and im still hungry..there's a bag of Christmas cookies in the fridge but its a definate no-no for me since im on a diet now..needa keep my body in shape as i have been snacking way too much during the holidays. Hmmmm, i still have got 7 more days before going home..a week more meaning a week of suffering..a week of missing Nicc..if only i could "dhl" my teddy here...then i will be happy...lol...okies i gotta go now,time is running out and my dad is complaining...will write once i get the chance to use his laptop..tata and Merry Christmas!
~*~*~*~
PS:Nicc dearie,if ur reading this,i just wanna let you know tat i miss u so very much baby..I love you. *muacks*
~*~*~*~
+~*~BElle~*~+

2004-12-14T04:21:00.000-08:00

+~*~me,mysElf and I~*~+

+~~miSerable!~~+

2004-12-13T03:40:00.000-08:00

Belle is sick..Belle is sooo sick...i feel crappy,useless,terrible,paranoid,pathetic,trashy,miserable!!!!....and the "Belle's Worst Nightmare Emotions" list goes on til the depths of hell..Seems like Lucifer has cursed me badly..my head hurts-totally not my day,my neck aches,i feel like throwing up,even my knees hurt like a bitch,my voice terrible,my vision a blur..am i cursed or what? Haha,okies im starting to sound terribly insane,i guess im just falling sick..maybe it's the tragic outcome of " Belle QUITTING being a smoke-pot"!!! But surprisingly,my cravings isnt here anymore..totally bye bye,gone for good,never welcoming you back ever! Such a relief...but look at myself right this moment...pathetic with a capital "P" fulls stop. I can't even walk through an air-conditioned shopping centre earlier in the day..it was way too cold for me..freezing just like an ice cube..and i had to ask Nicc to walk with me outside under the hot,sickening,sunny weather...ironically,i rather let my make-up melt away under such heat than freeze my ass indoors.
~*~*~*~
Apart from my misery being all sickly the whole,entire day, my day was pretty fine..Nicc made me laugh so hard it hurts..basically had a laughing marathon from taka to borders and back to taka,sat our ass down for a good half an hour at coffee bean as i was seriously in need for something hot..hot vanilla..totally yum. Had to fix my phonie but the queue was terribly long..had to wait for 2 hours before my turn comes so it's a definate No-no-another-day-will-work-better-for-me..i was already fighting the cold and lying to myself tat i will be alright and tat's all i could take already..both physically and mentally. Call me a weakling but hey,people do get sick sometimes too yea..not everyone can enjoy a Goddess's life filled with great health and wealth..today is one of the worst day of my entire month! Lucky for me,i have Nicc by my side to take care of me..just like a lil baby. Totally aww...*happy smiles*
~*~*~*~
What shall I get next? Bambi? Another faery? Pony? (yeah the cartoon pony frm My Little Pony) or what? I'm already craving for my next tattoo..i want one on my calf!!!! I really like Bambi but then SOMEONE had to say that it's so kiddy and lianish...haa..*cracking my brains* How how..i totally cant make up my mind..and to make matters worse..im rather impulsive and fickle..so there..decisions,decisions,decisions....Nicc thought of a really cute idea today..since i will be getting him a HUMAN skull from Vietnam..(im not insane or anything of that sort..he's totally in love with skulls..huge ones,medium sized ones,mini ones,tiny ones..blah blah) so he requested an awesome Christmas Present idea for me..for us..we shall get matching tattoos..couple tattoos..a cartoon version "Me" and a cartoon version "Him" on our skin..isnt it such a cool idea..totally sweet...but we are still thinking about it..still deciding..I guess the saying " Once u start,it never stops" phrase is true..tattoos are indeed addictive..worse than ciggies! I managed to quit smoking but my passion for bodyart is still growing each day..see my point? I'm just afraid that having too many tattoos might affect my future career..unless the idea of getting married at the age of 19,having a few kids and engaging myself in household chores appeal to me...BUT no,i want a career first then i shall take on my duty as a mother and wifey proudly. I shall stop here..gonna have dinner soon..havent eaten the whole,damn day yet..time to get some rest too..-gone-

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~nO neEd fOr a titLe~~+

2004-12-09T23:44:00.000-08:00

Okies,im practically dying now....my head hurts...my nose running...temptation kicking in....i cant seem to focus...fucking dumb side effects of quitting...damn..endurance is the key to success..haa..what the hell? Im trying to find 101 things to distract myself..i tried chatting with friends,reading through my blog,making myself a strawberry smoothie and blah blah but then yes it's difficult..needa just try harder..maybe go buy some coffee or something..to make matters worse,my mom had to ring me and start pissing me off..what a day...argghhh...
Surprisingly,he managed to make me smile..hmmm a feeling so warm,so nice..im hiding it inside..and it shall stay inside.

~*~*~*~
I+'s a horrible day..
I wish i could just scream
Til my lungs bleed
And shoo+ myself dead.
I ha+e her,ha+e her,ha+e her!!!!
Im full of anger and rage
Why does she do +his to me
Every god damn +ime???
Fuck man,
I+'s driving me insane
I wish i could just shu+ her
Ou+ of my life.
~*~*~*~

+~*~BellE~*~+

+~~nO mOre mArlborO..sobs~~+

2004-12-09T02:39:00.000-08:00

Today is the day i officially quit smoking..yeap..just had my last stick and the thought of quitting is already killing me..sobs..oh well,all for Nicc. *He better be touched by this! Haha* It will be mentally challenging for me..*sad* since it's gonna be my second time quitting..difficult but possible..hopefully i will be able to conquer such temptation upon the sight of smokers..gee,i better get my thoughts off the puffing,puffing..inhaling...sweet,sweet marlboro..alrighties,i have made up my mind and it's set..no second thoughts.
~*~*~*~
I woke up pretty late earlier..5pm to be exact..slept like a baby as i was dead beat last night..Nicc and I caught a movie..National Treasure at PS..review of the mOvie:5 stars! It's really worth the time and money as it was really good..i had supper later in the night and then headed back to his place to watch "A Cinderella Story" featuring Hilary Duff..im so in love wif her..she's soooooo pretty and talented. I'm gonna bring my pup out later..should be bringing him to a park near my place..my poor puppy is looking forward to such adventures and im starting to feel really bad cos i havent been spending time wif him lately..really miss watching him run around and hes so so adorable whenever he runs ahead of me..and after awhile he would look back to make sure im right behind him..my baby is so precious to me and i love him to bits! Im still deciding whether a park would be a better choice or perhaps bringing him to the reservoir..or perhaps the beach..anyways by the time i reach home later it would be pretty late so i guess the park would be a better choice. Hmmm,i feel like organising a camping trip sometime soon..i miss camping! Thought of asking Nicc to take me to P.Ubin for a night..we could ask his friends along too so tat there would be more company..in another words,less frightening..haa..cant imagine if we get spooked by some wandering spirit in the middle of the night..that would be nasty..oh,and i would love a cosy,fireplace right in front of our tent..we can have a mini bbq...and tat includes fire-roasted,hot-melted marshmallows..totally yummy! Im craving for jellybeans right this moment..strawberry,sour apple,juicy orange,tangy lemon...hee,enough of all tat..im starting to feel hungry..havent eaten the whole day as i have practically slept throughout such a beautiful day..im gonna leave in 2 weeks time..and i wont be spending Christmas wif Nicc therefore im trying my best to spend every hour,minute,second wif him for now..=) Wow,time really flies..it's gonna be a new year soon..and im gonna turn 19..that's really cool..but that means i need an extra responsibility..which is to get a job and make sure tat i stay put in that particular job..im still deciding what i should do..piercing?Designing?Sales?Or perhaps work in an office? Oh my..i just cant make up my mind..it would be nice earning my own money and saving it for my Europe trip next yr..Nicc and I plan to travel around Europe..places like Germany,Switzerland,France,England,Italy,Austria and the list goes on..he's gonna take me to the tattoo convention in England and i might get more tattoos from the famous artists there..at least i have something to look forward to..*big,big smile*
~*~*~*~
I guess i have slept a lil too much today...15 hours of sleep..and my head hurts now..im afraid tat i might not be able to sleep early tonight and that's gonna sux..and then my sleeping routine will go all hay-wire again..I wrote a new song yesterday..it's called "Hide Away"..the song is about hiding away from reality..hiding away frm this world filled with chaos n troubles..basically about a girl whom lives in her own fantasy world filled with hope n desire..the lyrics are meaningful..words frm my heart..and it aint a love song or anything of that sort..and im happy with the outcome..i might write another song later..maybe wif the help of Nicc or something..a duet would be sweet. The sight of my pink lighter keeps distracting me..no more smokes..no need for lighters..i'll just keep my favourite pink lighter in a box or something..dont think i will ever throw it away..it has been wif me for ages! I cant seem to stop typing away..words just keep flowing..my thoughts in over-drive..maybe cos i have nothing else to do here..or maybe cos i miss writing..seldom get a chance to sit down and write down my thoughts lately..and it's nice to be able to have some time to myself..searching deep within my soul for emotions and inner-thoughts..my strength and everything which lies beneath. I bought a book recently..it's about astrology..everything in the book is so accurate..especially about the characters,personalities and the information it beholds of each star sign. One of my dreams would include studying the stars..travelling around the globe doing research about the wonders of this earth and writing a book about my adventures and the knowledge i gained,the answers i have seeked and everything interesting about my mythology findings..that will really be a dream come true for me..i dont mind being an expert in astrology studies..im just so willing to do anything to satisfy my thirst for knowledge and hidden answers..i guess i have been going on and on about every damn thing in my mind..time to get going now..will write again. I have posted pictures of myself and my new tattoos below..took them 2 days ago so they are the most recent pictures i have got..shall go for dinner now..blessed be.

+~*~BellE~*~+

2004-12-07T10:23:00.000-08:00

*goOd nIte*

2004-12-07T08:22:00.000-08:00

+~*~mY laTest piCs aRe bEloW~*~+

2004-12-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

~*~my twInkle twiNkle lil sTar wiF lit diAmOnds~*~

2004-12-07T08:17:00.000-08:00

mOre pIctUres

2004-12-07T08:07:00.000-08:00

mE agaiN

2004-12-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

+~*~mE~*~+

+~~i'm baCk finAlly!~~+

2004-11-30T07:36:00.000-08:00

I'm back! Finally it's home sweet home..my trip to Bangkok was lovely..the food was fantastic..shopping was awesome but extremely tiring..*pant pant* (lotsa walking,hot hot weather,packed to bits) Oh my,my room is packed with the countless things i bought from Thailand..beautiful candles,shoes,cute slippers,did i mention a stack of clothes,2 caps,hmm..what else..*thinks*..two watches,2 pretty handbags(i simply love the one wif a butterfly..pretty beads are decorated all over..totally wicked n sweet..my kinda style!),snackies,lancome miracle,marlboro ciggies,scented dried flowers n water lily,earrings(at least 20 pairs!),necklaces,an exotic belt and much much more....I was shopping like crazy..walking around the big,gigantic,i'm-gonna-get-so-lost market..it was so so hot..i was practically melting like butter under the scorching ball of fire..felt like a piece of tuna in a can..the market place was packed and stuffy..but the shopping was awesome. I burnt a big hole in my pocket within an hour..everything was dirt cheap! Thai food tastes soo good...so much better than the food served at Simply Thai or is it Thai Express? Im so in love with the Thai milk tea..simply delicious..*yummy yum yum* *starting to miss Thailand*
~*~*~*~
Day 1:
Arrived at Bangkok International Airport around the late afternoon..settled down at the hotel(it's the highest hotel in Thailand) and unloaded our stuff. Soon it was dinner time,Nicc brought me to a really good thai restaurant..the food was heavenly and spicy..shopping was next..and we even had tradition thai massage! Shopping again and soon we were dead beat..time to return back to the hotel and hit the sack!
Day 2:
We woke up really early..had a buffet breakfast at the hotel before heading to the week-end market for more shopping..shop shop shop..more food along the way..and before we realise the time,the sun was already setting. Traffic was a killer in Bangkok..we had to wait for at least 30 minutes before getting on a cab. The best part of the day was when Nicc brought me to the pet market..oh my gosh..the puppies were so adorable..i was so tempted to just buy them all and bring them home..their brown puppy dog eyes looking innocently at me,the touch of their soft fur and their super-cute-adorable-to-the-core faces are enough to make my day. I love them all..the cute lil golden retriever puppy was extremely adorable..Nicc took a picture wif her..aww..so cute..*melts my heart* I felt really upset when i had to leave..poor puppy..poor me cant bring her home..*sob sob* Im starting to miss her already..miss playing with her..and watching her smile when i cuddled her in my arms. Many exotic pets were found in the pet market..pets which i could never take home. Squirrels,lizards *yikes*,toads,spiders,monkeys,snakes and the list goes on..it was certainly an experience trailing down the place packed with such amazing creatures. SOon it was dark,the night creeped by and we made our way down to another place..i was really excited upon getting the chance to watch the thai girls show..haha..never gotten a chance to experience it..however after watching for about 10 mins,we made our way to the exit cos it was rather gross..lol..thanks but no thanks..and i couldnt believe tat i had the guts to try out deep fried worms n grasshoppers..i used to freak out at such a sight but surprisingly they tasted like fries..after more shopping..it was time to sleep..i was really tired after such a long day out in the city.
Day 3:
Today we didnt get to have breakfast as we overslept..was too shag from the night before..Nicc and I just slept n slept til 3 in the afternoon..then we headed back to the week-end market place for more shopping..soon it was 7pm and the sky was alreading getting dark around 6..we had tradition thai food for dinner. *totally yummy* Pampered ourselves with a massage again before heading off to the river market for another shopping trip. Nicc was so sweet...he's always holding my hand tightly cos he's afraid tat i might get myself lost..and he wanna make sure no guys get the chance to flirt with me *grins*..gee,that's gonna be scary..i cant speak thai!!!! He's so protective over me...awww..my sweet baby. He even bought me a keychain wif our names decorated on it..totally sweet!
Day 4:
It was our last shopping trip..we went to hunt for stuff we really needed..Nicc brought me to a really huge mall and i rebonded my hair at a salon at the mall..my hair is soft and straight now! *smiles*We went to the Thai temple after my hair was done..it's time for Nicc to do a lil prayer and after that we headed back to the mall to shop..i drank a lil later in the night..my favourite long island tea..headed back to the hotel after that. The bubble bath was great..warm water and bubbles filled the tub..we soaked ourselves and relaxed..we gotta get up really early the next morning to catch our flight.
Day 5:
Time to go home..*sigh* The trip was wonderful and I enjoyed every bit of it...especially spending time with Nicc. *super smiles*

+~~tOuched by an AngEl~~+

2004-11-23T01:28:00.000-08:00

It's such a beautiful day..the sun is hidden behind misty,grey clouds and the weather is fantastic..windy and chilly..a great day to hide away from the nasty ball of fire in the sky. The days are passing by so quickly..three more days and i will be off to Bangkok. *cant wait* Looking forward to the variety of great tasting food..*more chilli please* and the many many shops i could explore all day long..it's gonna be a shopping marathon..paradise for girls like me..haha..I wonder if there are any beaches around..but hey no..it's a city and i bet the nearest beach would be far far away..if only i can get my ass on those beautiful,remote islands in Thailand!!! *thinks about those pretty seashells the island has to offer*..*thinks again about sun bathing wif a coconut in my hand..sips..chews..* awwww...my thoughts start to drift away..away from reality..into the depths of fantasy..*fantasizes myself left behind at a remote island..i could even dance around naked..lol..do anything i desire cos no one will be around!* Haha..that thought is funny..oh hang on..i will take my other half along too so that we could enjoy such a heaven together in bliss. *hop on, Nicc!* =) Anyways i'm having a blast lately..no more exams..no more sch..no more stress..everything is running smoothly and my life is as sweet as a donut! Last night was great!!!! Was happily satisfied before i slept..and was awaken wif a surprise once i rise and shine..*im so blessed*..hee..talk about enjoying myself..=) *winkwink to Nicc* Aww..
~*~*~*~
It has been raining the past few days..but it's really fun walking in the rain sometimes..i get to kick a puddle of rain water at Nicc..and allow him to do the same to me..call us childish but i like a hint of playfulness in my relationship to spice things up a lil..lol..i love the sensation of lil water droplets falling on my skin...*shivers* Cold but heavenly. *smiles* I have been working on my portfolio lately..i designed an advertisement of my absolute favourite perfume Lancome Miracle..arousing and sweet..just like its scent..very enchanting, bewitching and totally me! Makes me feel like a gOddess..sweet aint it?
~*~*~*~
I hope Nicc recovers soon..he's having a nasty flu but i am willing to share my coke wif him..*awww*..he just needs my tlc and he will recover in no time! I'm still deciding what to have for dinner..i'm craving for some kick-ass great tasting mutton soup...simply delicious! The shop is located just downstairs..really near my dear's shop..and the best part is the steamboat and the rich,heavenly tasting soup. I cooked dinner yesterday just for the two of us..Nicc and I..made green curry wif chicken and my all-time favourite dish-pan fried beef marinated wif oyster sauce n other secret ingredients...*shhhh* it's my secret recipe!!!! *zips up mouth* aint telling.. And Nicc was soo sweet to help me tune my baby...my guitar.. as i was busy performing loving-girlfriend-duties in the kitchen! Lol. The best part is sitting down next to him,having dinner together wif lit candles.Purrfect.
~*~*~*~
I shall take off now..gonna have dinner downstairs with Nicc..Will write again tonight..

+~*~BellE~*~+

~~cOol bEans! Life is gEtting swEeter each dAy~~+

2004-11-17T01:20:00.000-08:00

*Yawn* It's 5 in the evening and i'm feeling so sleepy..my mind feeling heavy..as it swirls around wif thoughts,my mind starts to drift away as if it's in a state of trance..i only caught 2 hours of decent sleep last night as i was practically memorising every single details in my geography book..and before i could even be ready to plunge myself in a dream or two,my alarm clock started to ring hysterically awakening me out of the pitch black darkness i was surrounded by as my body went into sleep mode..however,i'm feeling overjoyed as my big fat Os has come to an end..finally after sooo long! *super smiles* And to top it up with a sweet cherry,i feel on top of the world after looking at my newly designed webbie! I spent the entire night drawing out a cartoon version of me using Adobe Photoshop..my personal creation of a cute baby-doll, mesmerizing art of great perfection..filled with a touch of love and a splash of happiness,my webbie looks great now! I added cute lil stars,eye candy colors and designs and tha da..perfect it shall be!I'm full of smiles now..my conscious mind starts to drift away into the magikal world as i fantasize about the mystical power such a place beholds..it's a really incredible feeling..a splash of happiness washing over me..and only I can truely understand how such a sensation feels within my soul as i believe tat each emotion felt will be replaced by joy n love instead of grief and sadness..a great way to fully comprehend my mind..my soul.
~*~*~*~
I'm going prawn fishing later!!!! Nicc gonna take me there..pretty excited and i'm so much looking forward to it as it's gonna be my first time ever fishing for fat,juicy,mouth-watering prawns!!!Yummy yum yum...fooood! Hunger found its way to my stomach as thoughts of indulging myself into tasty,sambal deep fried prawns start to linger in my mind..maybe we could even have a bbq..that will be sweet! I had ice milo for the entire day and my stomach is crying out for mercy.."feed me,feed me" it begs..haha..okies,im just crapping..i aint tat hungry anyways but the temptation is starting to kick in..
~*~*~*~
I plan to write another song tonight..havent gotten the lyrics down yet but i'm pretty sure tat the words will start flowing out perfectly once im all ready..inspiration do wonders..really..it helps me to see through my soul..digging out my thoughts and letting my imagination run wild as each word finds its way on a piece of paper..and in no time,my song will be ready. Hmmm it's time to get going now..will write again tonight once im done wif my song..and hopefully i will be back..haha.

+~*~Belle~*~+

+~~InsPirE me~~+

2004-11-15T07:16:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting down in my rOom listening to the songs i wrote..emotions rushing within my soul..i sat down and thought about "What life means to me".. i wanna be committed to my own spiritual and personal growth,living with intention and passion while striving to contribute to my immediate world and the world at large in a positive, meaningful way. My life is my vision quest so it's up to me how i wanna design it and how i wanna conduct and carry myself on the path i have selected and most of all, how i wanna follow through it.In order to seach for the meaning of my life, i must delve into my personal,inner worlds to bring light to its deepest aspects...to follow my heart..my dreams..painting a beautiful picture of fantasies in my mind which i could turn into reality. As i start thinking about my personal,individual destiny and what that may or may not encompass,my mind starts to drift away..thoughts of what i really want in life start to find its way there..Gee,i'm feeling kinda emotional tonight after reading a book which inspired me totally..i wonder if i could ever find my inner source of enery which is trapped within me..innermost questions which linger inside of me..and all these answers are just waiting for the time to emerge..though all of what i need or want to know about myself is within me already..i just need to stay aware and allow the truth to surface. I wanna uncover what lies within my soul so i can live to my highest potential and be happy. *smiles* The mOon gives me strength..so do the stars that lit up the midnight sky..whenever i seek for answers which i couldn't find no matter how hard i delve into my soul..i'll just look out for the beautiful moon,hoping tat it will appear that very moment as i seek for it..hoping silently that Artemis will be there..showering me with the energy she beholds. I guess i'll just do a little soul searching tonight..im happy,yesh i am..i have got everything i ever wanted in life now..a loving mother,a wonderful boyfriend whom showers me wif love,close friends i trust,a job,vacations planned out for me and etc..however there are questions which i need answers to..questions of my heart..my desires..i'm not having any relationship or family problems..just that i want strength for the new yr..im reading a lot about astrology recently..really interesting n helpful i should say..maybe i could learn more about the moving planets and how they affect us.. and be ready to forecast my incoming future..cool eh? I would love tat to be part of my career..travelling around the world,visiting countries filled with untouched, historical beauty and studying the chart of the planets and stars and so on..however those can wait..i shall just concentrate on my designing for now. =P Shall accompany NiCc now..i guess he's bored as he awaits me. Good night... Blessed be.

+~*~Belle~*~+

+~~HaPpy haPpy hApPy~~+

2004-11-10T23:49:00.001-08:00

I'm feeling really good today..firstly,i wrote a song two days ago..yesh a new song and it sounds superb! I named it "I'll always remember.." and don't ask me how i manage to write it,composed the melody on my guitar & get it done in 10 minutes! Tat was like super fast..no idea what inspired me to write this song but i love it! I got it recorded in no time and i was like WOW..haha..lil belle here is so full of smiles. =) And the second best thing which happened to me is tat i have finally gotten my baby all tuned and ready to do some rock n roll...Masashi from Pugjelly tUned it fOr me..he is sOo soo sweEt..hee but he's just so damn shy..no idea why! The nEw dRummer is really fUnny..i think his name is tar or somethang like tat..didnt catch his name when he spOke to me..haha..Anyways,i have been doing my phOto frames lately..cOmpleted them yesterday at Nicc's shOp..they lOok sooooo pRetty..i uploAded pIctures of them in my blOg..=) I love my lil dOll box the mOst..it's just so adorable..i placed Kelly and Bambi in the box as i thought they look cUte together and since my favourite Disney character is Bambi. It's filled wif my love and effort and there! A box of my swEet creation is being crEated. *super smiles*
~*~*~*~
I have been working on my blOg fOr the past few days too therefore i didnt really have the time to write in here! I'm planning to get a website done for Nicc too..he needs a webbie for his tattoo job so it would be really sweet if i could do it for him since he knows nuts about html! Haha..cool idea eh. Hmmm,since i'm home today..i have simply no idea what to do! Been to used to going to Nicc's shOp everyday..maybe i could write another song..but hmmm no inspiration today therefore that's out of the list..perhaps watch a dvd? I fell asleep while watching "Shark Tale" with Nicc last night..i was dead beat..my eye lids were so heavy and sleepy and i got myself snapped into la la land in no time..haha. I have yet to complete "A Sleeping Dictionary" too..i'm always falling asleep halfway through a movie..tat sucks..but what am i gonna do when Nicc is fast asleep and i'm still wide awake in the middle of the night?Oh well, I guess i will just go cOok something! Haha,feeling hungry suddenly..my tummy calling out for me now..so i guess i'll end it here for now..will write later.

+~*~BellE~*~+

2004-11-10T23:37:00.000-08:00

~+~my cUte lil dOll bOx..i loVe thIS! I made it,aInt it just adOrablE..cuTe baMbi!~+~

2004-11-10T23:31:00.000-08:00

~*~I dEsigned & made thEse phOto frAmes..mOre belOw...~*~

2004-11-10T23:25:00.000-08:00

+~*~I made thEse phOto frAmes..prEtty!~*~+

+~+~WhAt a dAy!!! frustrated ~+~+

2004-11-02T23:30:00.000-08:00

The past few days have been raining cats and dogs..*pour pour pour*..gee,when is the rain gonna ever stop???I seriously hate the chills..since i'm super afraid of the damn cold..i feel like a goose getting chill bumps everywhere..haha..okies tat sounds funny but what the hell!...lol..anyways i'm really happy cos i got my dream bag finally..it's really sweet..the LV latest version..a cross of orange n pinkie all over..real lovely. =) NiCc and I plan to go Hong Kong at the end of this month..should be pretty chilly there..yikes..need thicker clothes..lol..oh well,at least i'm going on a holiday finally....! Yay seriously damn excited..*imagines tim sum* Woo hoo,gonna put on weight when i'm there,considering tat Hong Kong offers a variety of kickass great tasting food..! However the bad news is tat i won't be in Singapore at the end of this year..and New Year..*sigh* but it's a good thing too..to actually spend Christmas and New Year abroad wif my family..gonna visit my dad in Germany..and it's like WINTER!!! I think i'm gonna turn into a ice cube by the end of December..haha..freeze marathon all the way..anyways,it's gonna be cool spending time in Europe..the nice,fresh scent of the pine trees,Christmas shopping,cookie baking,candle lit dinners,warm fireplace,roasted mashmallows and Santa Claus..haha..everything is all planned out so perfectly and boy am i gonna enjoy my year. =)
~*~*~*~
I'm having my Os currently,had my English paper today..it was really easy,fancy them giving away free marks like tat..gees..but anyways it's a good thing..Social studies was pretty simple as well..but the crappy part was tat i studied the wrong subject for the day..i was like memorising every single details in my geo textbook and tha da..social studies paper suddenly came flashing at my face..damn..damn..damn but lucky thing,social studies is easy..basically knowledge and shit..i can't wait for my Os to come to an end..then it's gonna be big time blast all the way for me..this is my first time sitting for my Os exam..kinda nervous during my first paper..i almost can't sleep the whole fucking night..but after awhile, Nicc played some stupid,sickening,pretty damn old,chinese kongfu movie or something and uh huh..i'm gonna sleep instead...haha..i'm gonna be bored shitless watching a movie which doesn't make any sense to me and more boo factors...it's in Cantonese...i don't understand tat language..even the subtitles are in chinese...what kinda fuck movie is tat? Haha..
~*~*~*~
NicC and I had an argument earlier due to some misunderstandings...just cos i mentioned tat "MAYBE" i might go meet a friend for awhile to say hi when he's in the gym..and guess wat..he got pissed! It was like so duhhhhhhh i aint gonna meet anyone..it was just a maybe..and he knows tat everytime i mentioned a maybe..it simply doesnt happen! I guess it's just jealousy..typical guy's reaction when their gal wanna meet some dude..anyways,i have been spending everyday,every second,every minute,every hour,every nite wif him..so i'm sure there is a reasonable amount of trust in our relationship by now..we are hardly apart..only when i go use the lil girls' room...the loo...duh! Sometimes i just don't understand why guys need to feel insecure or something..or does the problem lies wif me? Gee,i know tat i'm dead serious about having a lasting relationship now cos im pretty sick of the fickle mindedness installed in me..it's somehow affecting my lifestyle..at least it's changing for the better now..yup..
~*~*~*~
Will be going down to town wif Nicc soon to meet Ros..i'm gonna have coffee wif her while Nicc works his ass in the gym..haha..at least i won't have to sit and wait everytime he goes to the gym..gee since when i inherited patience? I guess im pretty much getting used to waiting now...which is a good thing..my retribution for always being late during appointments..sigh..anyways i dont believe in retribution,karma,or whatever nonsense..I believe tat if i'm nice to someone,the person will return me with the same exact treatment. Oh man,why oh why am i uttering such stuff in here..im like yak yak this..yak yak that..haha..anyways sometimes it's good to talk to myself in this way thru writing and sort things out since i don't wanna create anymore misunderstandings..i need time to myself for now..focus and relax..have a smoke or whatever is in front of me..a drink..yes..im pretty damn thirsty after having a long long conversation wif Nicc earlier..haven't been publishing new posts recently due to studying..at least i'm working hard..the next thing i gotta do tonight would be painting...i bought some accessceries from a handicraft shop yesterday..gonna paint my plain wooden photo frames tonight and decorate it wif seashells,ribbons,2 lil lovebirds i bought *they are so damn cute,i could make them kiss*,glitter,roses(i bought black roses cos i wanna give my work a gothic touch),oh and lovely faery liked flowers(cloth material..green n blue colored flowers).Since my last batch of photo frames were designed wif a girlish,pinkie,sweetie touch..this batch will be designed faery/gothic/mystical,hotpinkish,sexy style. After which i could put our pictures in them..preferbly waiting for the pictures we are gonna take when we head to Hong Kong. Doing handicraft helps me relax..writing songs and playing my baby(my guitar) too..however good news is tat i got my guitar fixed but bad news is tat since my strings are new...i have to keep tuning them!...which totally sucks big time..i need someone to help me wif this!!!!!!!!! Lucky for me,Nicc has Derrick the guitar guru..hahaha...
~*~*~*~
My fingers are itching for the touch of my heavenly,lovely baby princess...my sweet loving guitar...i need to get down to writing really good lyrics..songs which reflect the way my life is,the way im feeling currently,my dreams,my fantasy,my nightmare,comical lyrics,lyrics which makes no sense kinda songs..and yes,im talking about frictional lyrics..at least i get to imagine myself in a story doing crazy,unrealistic things..tat will be pretty fun..since all my songs are blabbering about love this,love that...it's about time i start writing songs which revolve around life..about life..changes,emotions,anger,rage..etc..thought of writing a punkrock song about drama queen wannabes..haha..tat will be fun. Cant wait to get started......*clock ticking away*
~*~*~*~
Finally i have decided what to do in the near future..i'm gonna study journalism and graphic designing..both relates to achieving my dream job..i love writing...writing in all forms..it would be cool to write for a magazine's company..at least i get to explore places,surroundings,environment,fashion,lifestyles,people,entertainment scenes and such..i have got dreams of publishing my own magazine too..but..but...not so soon..gotta get a dip or degree or whatever first before expecting too much..cos God promises me ups and there are downs too..not everything goes on perfectly n smoothly all the way..i might just be on my way on a secured journey,and bump,before i know it..i have fallen into a pit of problems and then hell breaks loose for me..bye bye success..haha..but nah,i'm gonna be strong...ya Annabelle?!! haha yeah!
~*~*~*~
I'm feeling pretty bored now..maybe that's why i'm writing a whole lot of words in here..still waiting for him..as u..su..al...maybe i'll go have a puff soon to kill time..but how long does a ciggie last for? 3 minutes? Hmmm okies,patience girl..maybe cos i'm in a pretty bad mood today therefore i need someone..or something or anything to distract me!..and it seems like i have found the right place to pour my heart out..thoughts just keep flowing out of my head..and my fingers found it's way to the keyboard allowing myself to type each alphabet to reflect on my thoughts and emotions..okies,i gotta go have a smoke and use the loo for awhile..shall be back...in a flash!

~+~BellE~+~

+~~sUch a MemOrablE dAy~~+

2004-10-28T22:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was well spent..NicC and I went on a holiday..just a day shopping vacation in JB,Malaysia..we had so much fun! Bought lotsa stuff too..comics,tees,skirts,dvds,music cds,food...etc..Luckily there wasn't any traffic jam on the crossover bridge therefore we arrived there pretty early..reached the shopping mall around two i guess..NiCc ate at Macs..however i wasn't hungry..(as usual)...therefore I decided to watch him eat instead..haha..and perhaps visualize myself having a vanilla ice cream cone..yumm...after which we went for a stroll around the mall,checking each shop out..I was loOking for a bag..a small handbag..perhaps something simple and sweet..ended up buying lotsa clothes..=) It's fun exploring the malls in JB..though their fashion really suxxx big time,i found some really nice ones..stuff that u can't really get from Singapore..at least I won't be wearing a similiar outfit as someone as I walk down Orchard Road..I like a pair of shoes tat caught my attention however they look like skateshoes..but really cool,pink/white girlish looking skateshoes..Nicc and I would be going down again next week to get our shoes..*excited* Thought of getting similiar outfits too..preferbly tees..kinda cute yea..sometimes we like to match our outfits together..it's pretty sweet..=D
~*~*~*~
I'm currently at his tattoo shOp as I type this..he's gonna tattoo someone soon,therefore writing in here might kill some time..our plan for the day is pretty packed..lotsa things to do later..and we will be going to geylang serai (hmmm aint sure if I spelled it right) to check out the pasar malam.. damn,I have been doing a lot of shopping lately..haha..every girl's hobby..but i know my limits..once i gotta stop..i will STOP flushing out the money..anyways,I will be going over to a guitar shop later to get my guitar fixed..shall be checking out the Spellbound shop as well..hopefully they sell the stuff i need for my wiccan needs..maybe crytals,books on magick n wicca,aroma scents n many many others.. Finally i found a place here to get such ingredients n books..cool eh..
~*~*~*~
Gee,this place is freezing...i'm turning into a ice cube soon..where's my sweater?????Lol..oh well,feel like having a puff soon..i cut down my ciggie intake yesterday..smoked 8 sticks only for the whole day..amazing eh..haha..my smokepot habit shall improve by this week..i'm planning to quit by the end of this yr..anyways i will be spending Christmas overseas wif my family..won't be here..gonna miss Nicc..*sob sob* However it's set! We are going to Thailand this November..right after my Os..gonna save cash for my shopping. Woopieee..
~*~*~*~
Actually Ver and I planned to go to ZOuk this Sat for the party..however I changed my mind about it..it's gonna get really packed anyways..and besides,i haven't gotten my damn costume yet..haha..*big headache* Therefore the best option is not club instead..Might go Phuture this Wednesday instead to party away wif her..I think i shall work on my webbie again..will write later tonite..oh btw,Nicc got us so many dvds! Damn happy man..at least we get to stay home and watch it all night long...........

+~*~BellE~*~+

Oink OinK Oink..lol..okies,I'm lost for a title so there!

2004-10-25T23:19:00.000-07:00

It's been quite some time since I last wrote in here..been rather busy designing and adding links into my blog..oh well,at least it's complete nOw..sorta in a way..maybe i could beautify it a lil mOre..i'm too much of a perfectionist. My past days had been rather horrible..all the usual crap i always get from home..seriously,staying at home will be a bad bad idea..therefore i'm always out..met a new friend recently. I'm glad tat i have finally found a girl friend..she's cool..and the best part is tat we are so much alike..our personalities..our interests n everything about us are just so similiar..her name is Vernessa..a yr older than me but anyways,tat aint important..as long as I'm happy..
~*~*~*~
I'm planning for a vacation this december..maybe Nicc and I might go to Thailand for shOpping! Oh man,can't wait for tat..cheap stuff they have got..and besides,i need a holiday overbroad..pretty much locked up in this miserable lil' island..a week or two abroad won't hurt ya..haha..I'll head to europe next yr since it's Winter nOw in mOst countries..*i'm afraid of the cold*.. : X ..however the thought of spending Christmas in Paris with someone you love sounds exciting and romantic..i wanna see snowflakes and build a snowman..i could create a big,coOkie monster too and collect snOw crystals..tat will be really cool..perhaps i will plan ahead..maybe in June next yr..at least it will be during the Spring/Summer season..I wanna visit castles in Germany n England,walk thru the black forest in Germany,milk the cows in holland lol..eat fresh strawberries in France n do many many more stuff..*awaits* Oh well,i shall fantasize for now and turn it into reality next year.
~*~*~*~
Ver and I went to tOwn yesterday..far east..we went shoPping..i didnt buy much though..just a watch and a pair of earrings..i love the earrings..really pretty..it's decorated wif lil' black diamonds..thOse sexy ring earrings u can find in mOst shops..however i like it black cos it looks rather gothic n exotic on me..really really pretty..the watch looks sweet as well..looks kinda vintage with a hotpink and gold touch to it..i get to wear it like a bracelet..=)
~*~*~*~
Nicc gonna bring me to beach road later to check out the shops and have a steamboat dinner..rather looking forward to it. Since i have saved pretty much cash,it would be nice spending them on something i really need and like..don't really have an appetite lately..and i'm feeling rather aweful..suffering from really nasty-kick-ass tummy craps..it's driving me nuts! Damn,i can't believe time is passing by so fast..my big fat Os is just next week! And i have to like clear 20 chapters in the next couple of days..sh*t..gotta rush..study hard..focus and get it done with..after my exams,i will have all the time in the world to do whatever i want. *grinz* I'm considering whether to go Zouk this Sat..halloween party has finally arrived..Ver and I gonna dress up gothic style..i shall be an evil faery..hahaha..but on second thought,i rather NOT..the club is gonna be so fucking packed..and my pOor wings stand a really high chance of getting smashed by fools surrounding me..therefore it won't be a good idea afterall..maybe i'll go as a gothic doll..i wanna look scary for once..haha..actually i'm pretty much into the vintage style nOw..those babydoll dresses and fashion too..simply exotic..
~*~*~*~
I need a job soOn..*sighs* Gonna start on my designing course next year..I plan to study graphic designing and perhaps get into advertising and designing in the future..at least I have choosen the path i wanna take in life..since i'm creative and artistic..i would rather concentrate on such abilities and talent than waste my time deciding what i like and dislike..i can't be all fickle right nOw..hmmm maybe i could do part time modelling..extra cash for me..i have got a couple of name cards..those agencies which i turned down..haha..but i'm so camera shy..and due to my lack of confidence in myself..i can never go far in such an occupation..oh heck,i'll just concentrate on my studies for now. =p Gotta get going now..shall work on my blog again..will write later. Good day.

+~*~BellE~*~+

WhEre's thE mOon tOnigHt?

2004-10-19T14:17:00.000-07:00

thE night sky remains gloomy n lonely..the hidden mOon hid away its beautiful glow n the stars seemed to disappear beyond the cloudless sky..the night seemed dead..completely..without any trace of life left to roam about its ground..i feel kinda empty tonight..just like the night. Was trying to locate the moon earlier just now but had no luck..*sigh* the moOn seems to be my source of strength..it energizes me..my friend and my good luck charm..similiar to how a four-leaf clOver is believed to bring pure luck..a good luck charm..yeah that's what many believe it holds..my room seems dark..only a glow of pinkish light is present..cold too..sending chills through me..strange night indeed..my computer shut down by itself earlier back n tat freaked me out a lil..n then as i was getting a drink,i heard a creepy scratching noise coming from outside my apartment..ok...tat is totally freaky..spare me pls..lol..
~*~*~*~
If only time will fly by fast right now..cos it seems to be crawling by slowly..and i cant sleep! Woke up at 8pm last night..slept throughout the day like a restless soul...however at least i had my bOok to bring me the sweetest company..well,the book is basically about faeries,astral projection,meditation n every lil' details about faery magick,encounting faeries,a guided meditation into faeryland,ways to protect urself from faeries..etc..maybe one day i might try out a couple of meditation methods..it helps to clear the mind n relax the soul..however astrol projection might sound utterly interesting..but it somehow possesses a scary touch to it..so many what ifs..but i will try experiencing it one day..once im better at meditation and til i learn how to loosen up myself..i cant be all tense up during the process of such practise..reading the book was amazing..the words were written so beautifully..the pictures created in my mind were of such beauty..breath-taking images of faeryland n the magick it beholds led my soul into its reaml..into the astral world..i was still in my awake consciousness but i felt relaxed and everything seems to fit perfectly into my head..the visions,imagination n knowledge gained. Lovely isnt it..i shall save up some cash n perhaps buy the faery protection deck i saw a couple of days back at a bookshop..it seems relatively interesting to me..well most people will indeed think im either childish or crazy enough to be so into faeries,tarot reading..stuff like tat..but everyone has their own rights to believe in whatever they desire..and i believe tat people should respect each individual's faith n beliefs.
~*~*~*~
I did a tarot reading earlier..included the summoning of my card..and oh my,each question i asked was answered wif such accuracy..it's exactly the answered i seek n noe deep down inside..wow,i was rather delighted in a way cos at least i knew tat the goddesses were watching upon me,listening to me..reaching deep into my mind n soul..spectacular indeed..today seemed rather empty to me..i felt emotioness,confused n terribly moody..why so..i aint really sure myself..however i tried ways to relax myself..to calm my body n bring peace to my soul deep within..therefore i was trying to locate the moon tonight..its beam bring about a golden white glow..beams of good energy shines down the moonlit sky..right into my window..into my soul..it somehow charges the energy within me..letting the positive energy increase slowly..and the negative energy leaving my body into thin air..i guess meditation helps a lot too..never really tried a proper,undisturbed form of meditation yet..but im gonna practise on it soon enough. =)
~*~*~*~
Im gonna get some rest now as it's almost 6am in the morning..shall practise "behind blue eyes" later..great song..and im improving tremendiously on my plucking skills. *way to go,girl*Shall write again later. Nitie.
Blessed be,
+~*~bElle~*~+

gutEn tAg!..

2004-10-18T16:09:00.000-07:00

..actually it's a gOod mOrning..7.15am right on the dOt..having my morning ciggie right after my shower..im almost ready to go out..make up [ checked] ,dry my hair [ checked ], ciggie [almost done,but heck,checked ]..needa pack my bag n get myself dressed..splendid aint it? Almost all set to go as Nicc sleep a lil' more while waiting for my lazy ass to get up my chair..pick my outfit for the day..glance at my mirror..glance again..and then i will be ready to buzz out of my house..i guess i wouldnt be writing much fOr now..not much time left..gonna plan my exericse schedule later..gotta go jogging tonight..its a MUST! haha..it's time to get fit n sexy..*winks* hahaha..oh well,that's my gOal for now..will write agian later..blessed be.
+~*~bElle+~*~

+~~My happy ending~~+

2004-10-16T15:16:00.000-07:00

It's almost 6.30 in da mOrning..cant sleep as usual..currently playing on my mp3 player:burn wif desire by armin van buuren..a great sOng indeed..kinda gets me in the mood to write good songs n such..inspiring definately..anyways,i just finished another recording of "When Ur Gone"..pretty satisfied..sang it at a lower key,at least i get to sound more womanly this time round..lol..oh well,my voice is special in a sense..i kinda add my own personal touch to it especially when im singing..sang it annabelle style..haha..perfect. ^-^
~*~*~*~
I guess i would start on another song later in the day..maybe tonight? The inspiration starts kicking in after midnight..strange but true indeed..gonna have a long day tmr..aint gonna hit the sack tonight..meeting Nicc around 12 plus after his soccer match and we're going to a flea market! *excited* Hee,gonna be my first time at a flea market..wonders what such a place offers..second hand goods mainly i guess..but anyways its gonna be an experience for me..cheap deals..good shit..*nods head* After which,i guess we would have our dinner and head back to his place to watch a movie...*winks*
~*~*~*~
Hmmm,i havent gotten any sleep yet but surprisingly i aint the least bit sleepy..strange but yeah,weird lil body i have got..sometimes i wonder whether love really lasts..whether relationships can be ever lasting n the love never dies or fades away..kinda worried tat this time round it would end up the same..not the happy ending i desire for but a really complicated mess which i totally detest..oh well, Nicc says it's all in my hands as it would be me and not him..aint sure if he's really the one for me,but im gonna put in lotsa effort this time and cherish our relationship..he's sweet..stubborn too just like me but he's willing to change for me..most importantly,showering me wif lotsa care,love n concern and accepting the fact tat im a smoke pot..lol..however,im gonna keep to my promise this time..which is to quit smoking for good and i mean for good this december..at least everyone would be happy..*smiles*
~*~*~*~
The pitch black,diamond lit sky slowly fades away..revealing a pale blue horizon enriched wif sunlight..it's already dawn n I love watching the sky color change in a fast pace from greyish to a bright,cheery,pinkish morning glow..it's really beautiful..breath-taking i would say. Dont think i would be catching any sleep later..i shall start on my handicrafts..bought wooden photoframes from ikea weeks ago..and bought glitter,gem stones,beads,laces,ribbons,a glittered butterfly, wooden cut-out hearts n flowers and violet roses from a craft shop earlier..everything is gonna be d.i.y..my style..gonna beautify those photo frames wif pretty laces n decorations..add a girlish,flowery,mystical touch to it and wala..my personal creation..pretty cool eh..=) I guess i should start on my paint job now..anyways good mOrning! Will write again later in the day..perhaps at Nicc's shop since he has a computer reserved especially for his lady..me! haha..hopefully my day will end sweet n i'll sleep soundly tonight..gotta get rid of this insomnia madness as it aint getting me no where..but bringing out the zombie doll image in me..lol..oh well,gotta go now..FOR REAl this time..-gone-
+~*~bElle~*~+
6.45am

+~~suCh a lOnely nitE~~+

2004-10-15T11:42:00.000-07:00

It's almost 3am and i still cant seem to close my eyes.. *arghz* this feeling totally suxs..havent been sleeping well lately due to my crazy sleeping routines..damn..and i gotta be up around 11am tmr..cant wait to meet up wif Cheryl..been a long long while since we last went out together..therefore im pretty looking forward to it..and besides,im gonna see Nic tmr..cant wait for that too..he must be soundly asleep just like a baby right now as i type this..feel kinda bad cos he hasnt been sleeping well lately too...just cos he wanna spend time wif me..aww..he's so sweet..however i still feel bad deep inside..hopefully i will fall asleep soon enough n wake up early tmr..i cant afford to be late again..
~*~*~*~
I sincerely hope to get a job soon..really need the extra cash..well,i dont really shop nowadays..hmmm but i cant live without my marlboro..and tat totally suck..*needa work hard* okies,at least im pretty much motivated now..haha..just needa put in a sprinkle of effort n kick aside my laziness and tha dah! i will be in great shape in no time! *prays hard* I wonder what im gonna do before visiting the island of coconut trees n pink dolphines..hmmm perhaps the same lil routine i do every nite b4 i sleep..which is to watch a god damn dvd til i get soo bored and..uh huh..lalala..sleepy..dizzy..heavy eyelids..good nite..thump..
lol oh well,what am i gonna watch tonight? hmmm,oh ya..i havent complete "all i want" yet..watched tat forsaken movie 3 times and havent gotten the chance to watch the ending...it's so damn boring...but a good movie to help me sleep...*good idea*
~*~*~*~
i guess i better get going now cause time aint waiting up for me..*tick tock* damn,its ticking away..hmmm,but my fingers dont seem to agree wif time..i guess i'll just stay for awhile more..gee,im craving for my next tattoo..gotta get my butterfly colored first then perhaps get my next one..no wait,i gotta focus on my job now..other stuff can wait..yeap,that's the attitude..haha..okies,im starting to sound fickle..haha..listening to my latest written song now..it's called "When you're gone" by me,myself and I...lol..i wrote it a couple of days back n couldnt wait to get it recorded..=) im so full of smiles now..*super smiles* accomplishment finally..i guess i'll write another song tmr..a sad song again..dont really like writing happy songs..maybe cos im pretty emotional sometimes..but anyways,my lyrics are basically frictional..no true meaning behind those lines..at least i get to let my imagination run wild for awhile..gotta save up money to get my dream guitar..and not to forget my dream vacation..*dreams*Hmmm guess i should go now,it's already 3.05am..nitie nite diary.
+~*~BellE~*~+
3.05am

2004-10-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

*smiles*

2004-10-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

oKies,i lOok liKe a kId here..haha..but whO carEs!!

+~~sugarBE||e: my wOrld~~+

2004-10-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

gReEtings..thIs is my sEcOnd blOg acCount..*smiles* jUst thOught of crEating a jOurnal fOr memOries n sUch..thIs blOg inclUdes my daiLy diary eNtries,sOngs/poEms i wrOte,qUotes..etc..eNjoy ur stAy..thOugh sOme stuff aRe pErsonal *winkwink* ^-^
+~*~BElle~*~+

SugarBE||e

+~*~I fOund mY sOulmate in yOU~*~+

+~*~DrEams~*~+

+~*~My hEart spEaks~*~+

+~*~RAin~*~+

+~*~my drEam~*~+

=)

~*~A mOmeNt tO RemembEr~*~

+~*~haPpy fIrst mOnth baBY~*~+

@(^.^)=@ @=(^.^)@

+~*~=)~*~+

+~*~im feeling lucky~*~+

+~*~+

+~*~smiles~*~+

~+~gOod nIte~+~

~+~ tired,sigh,need to sleep :X ~+~

+~*~~*~()~*~*~+

=)

nEw pOst of thE day

+~*~thE meAnIng oF lOve~*~+

=)

+~*~A mOment tO ReMembEr~*~+

+~*~goOd nite~*~+

+~*~mY thOughts~*~+

+~*~thAnk gOd it aiNt mOnday~*~+

+~*~Shagged to bits but im haPpy~*~+

+~*~ <(^o^,<)<(^o^,<) ~*~+

+~*~thAnk gOd it aInt a mOnday~*~+

+~*~She will always be a part of my memory~*~+

+~*~holiday,here i come! lol~*~+

+~*~YawNz,time to say goodnite~*~+

+~*~my nEw fOund angEl~*~+

+~*~a beautiful day~*~+

+~*~missing you baby~*~+

=~*~my new beginning~*~=

=+=his shadows=+=

=+=my happy ending=+=

+~*~farking hell!~*~+

*happy,happy,happy*

+~*~melody of melancholy~*~+

~+~im a strange girl living in a fucked up world~+~

+~*~i'm haVing a blAst!~*~+

+~*~mOod sWinGs agAin!!!!~*~+

+~*~shOrt & SwEet~*~+

+~*~oNly mEant fOr hIm,mY oNe trUe lOve, *nIcC* ~*~+

+~*~tHe aNgE|s diD hEar mE laSt night @: )~*~

+~*~@: )whEre's my angE|?~*~+

+~*~i miSs hOme..i miSs my baBy NicC~*~+

+~*~miSerable!~*~+

+~*~nO neEd fOr a titLe~*~+

+~*~nO mOre mArlborO..sobs~*~+

+~*~i'm baCk finAlly!~*~+

+~*~tOuched by an AngEl~*~+

~*~cOol bEans! Life is gEtting swEeter each dAy~*~+

+~*~InsPirE me~*~+

+~*~HaPpy haPpy hApPy~*~+

+~+~WhAt a dAy!!! *frustrated* ~+~+

+~*~sUch a MemOrablE dAy~*~+

Oink OinK Oink..lol..okies,I'm lost for a title so there!

WhEre's thE mOon tOnigHt?

gutEn tAg!..

+~*~My happy ending~*~+

+~*~suCh a lOnely nitE~*~+

+~*~sugarBE||e: my wOrld~*~+

+~~I fOund mY sOulmate in yOU~~+

+~~DrEams~~+

+~~My hEart spEaks~~+

+~~RAin~~+

+~~my drEam~~+

~~A mOmeNt tO RemembEr~~

+~~haPpy fIrst mOnth baBY~~+

+~~=)~~+

+~~im feeling lucky~~+

+~~smiles~~+

+~~~~()~~~+

+~~thE meAnIng oF lOve~~+

+~~A mOment tO ReMembEr~~+

+~~goOd nite~~+

+~~mY thOughts~~+

+~~thAnk gOd it aiNt mOnday~~+

+~~Shagged to bits but im haPpy~~+

+~~ <(^o^,<)<(^o^,<) ~~+

+~~thAnk gOd it aInt a mOnday~~+

+~~She will always be a part of my memory~~+

+~~holiday,here i come! lol~~+

+~~YawNz,time to say goodnite~~+

+~~my nEw fOund angEl~~+

+~~a beautiful day~~+

+~~missing you baby~~+

=~~my new beginning~~=

+~~farking hell!~~+

happy,happy,happy

+~~melody of melancholy~~+

+~~i'm haVing a blAst!~~+

+~~mOod sWinGs agAin!!!!~~+

+~~shOrt & SwEet~~+

+~~oNly mEant fOr hIm,mY oNe trUe lOve, nIcC* ~*~+

+~~tHe aNgE|s diD hEar mE laSt night @: )~~

+~~@: )whEre's my angE|?~~+

+~~i miSs hOme..i miSs my baBy NicC~~+

+~~miSerable!~~+

+~~nO neEd fOr a titLe~~+

+~~nO mOre mArlborO..sobs~~+

+~~i'm baCk finAlly!~~+

+~~tOuched by an AngEl~~+

~~cOol bEans! Life is gEtting swEeter each dAy~~+

+~~InsPirE me~~+

+~~HaPpy haPpy hApPy~~+

+~+~WhAt a dAy!!! frustrated ~+~+

+~~sUch a MemOrablE dAy~~+

+~~My happy ending~~+

+~~suCh a lOnely nitE~~+

+~~sugarBE||e: my wOrld~~+